18 Phases of Motherhood Explained

Baby Noah and me after 4 hours sleep. Yep, sleep deprivation turns me into a fiery carnivorous hunting machine

So it’s a commonly known fact that women can multi task. This could be anything from filling the dishwasher and cleaning the kitchen tops to taking the children to school whilst eating your breakfast.

The truth is what is more impressive is a women’s ability to flip from one mood to the next in a split second (multi mood as I like to call it). A second so small sometimes it’s hard to define where one mood finishes and the next one starts.

Maybe this isn’t a woman thing, maybe this is just a me thing, but all I know is it got a lot more intense when I became a mother.

Here are a few phases or moods I have found of mine through my own self reflection. Sometimes a little eye opening how crazy this motherhood thing can make us but hey ho, here is my list of 18 moods I have found on my journey so far:

1-Pre Baby Nostalgia Phase– ‘Remember when we could go out and watch a film whenever we wanted? Remember when I could fit into that dress with space still to spare? Remember when we used to actually drink alcohol without getting a nasty guilt hangover after sipping half a shandy?’

2- One speck of dust is too much Phase – also known as the ‘nesting phase’ – ‘is that Remnants of dust left on top of the Hoover? Not a worry, I’ll just Hoover that Hoover’.

3- New Baby Nostalgia Phase- ‘Remember when he was tiny and slept all day and loved a sofa cuddle? Remember that new baby smell? Now he rolls around in every place that he shouldn’t like he’s got ants in his pants and genuinely laughs at me when he keeps me up all night’ .. I miss my teeny tiny newborn!

4- Sad but not entirely sure why Phase- This phase mostly brought on by an influx of hormones – ‘Am I happy sad? Am I sad sad? Am I both? I’m not sure but I have never cried at the lion king soundtrack before until right now. By the time ‘can you feel the love tonight ‘ comes around I’m just a broken person. I mean, poor Simba’.

5- The Realization Phase- ‘Is this my life now? Will I ever have an adult conversation again that doesn’t involve poonamis or repeating DADA 22 times over in the space of 60 freaking seconds?’

6- Sleep Deprivation Phase– [Please follow these simple instructions for night feeds- Place baby in direct line of human udder and hope for the best. Do not under any circumstance wake the cow unless you want to know the real meaning of mad cow disease]

7- Happy for all the right reasons Phase- I have this fantastic baby who’s healthy and happy and who loves me, a supportive partner who loves us both and I live in this perfect country, could life get much better?

8- Too busy to breathe Phase- You wake up in the morning and feed and change the baby.  You blink for a split second and it’s bed and bath time. If only we could just magically conjure up 2 more hours in the day. Anyone out there have a magic wand?

9- Bounce Back Phase- This phase is usually an idea well prepared before the baby actually arrives – ‘Right that is it, I will lose this baby pouch and back flab, first of all let’s raid the cupboards and permanently discard of any biscuits, crisps, crackers and chocolate’.

10- Sugar craving phase- This usually takes place around 24 hours if not less after the phase stated above. ‘Oh SH*T now we have no goodies in the cupboards. Oh but what’s this I see? Nutella and a spoon?’ Desperate times call for desperate measures.

11- The WHY phase- AKA the ‘moody bitch’ or ‘Woke up on the wrong side of the bed’ phase. ‘WHY is this here? THIS DOESNT BELONG HERE? WHY is the baby crying after attempting every bloody rule in the bloody book? Who wrote this so called book anyway? WHY can’t I just sleep when the baby sleeps like everyone tells you to? WHY is my life so hard?’

12- The Winning Phase – ‘Today I washed my hair, had 3 meals, did a big shop, made a whole weeks worth of meals and looked after the baby, all on my own’. EASY!

13- Too Much Love Phase- ‘Seriously, how did I make you? How did I make the most beautiful baby in the world? Look at them eyes, oh and that nose, awwwww and that smile! I COULD JUST CUDDLE YOU UP ALL DAY!’

14- Procrastinating Phase- Yep I’ll get you a drink in one second, I’ll just quickly empty the dishwasher first, OH and clean the kitchen top. May as well Hoover the kitchen whilst I am at it, now the whole house.. and quickly feed the cats they look hungry… 14 days later…

15- Pushy Mum Phase- Your mate Kevin has been rolling for 1 week now and he’s 3 weeks your junior. I am giving you 1 more week then it is military roll camp for you.

16- High Anxiety Phase – ‘Rings the GP clinic ‘I would like to make an urgent appointment please, my baby sneezed twice today’.

17- Pregnancy Endurance Phase-Probably most of the above just mashed into one big psycho bitch fit phase. During this phase sharp objects should be hidden away.

18- The Thankful Phase- Last but not least the most important phase of all and my all time favourite. Being thankful for god’s gift that is a child, and a healthy and happy one at that. Even though sleeping is limited you still have a roof over your head and a soft pillow to lay on. Even though you cannot go out and party anymore, you are getting little baby cuddles instead with a special smile JUST for you. Them stretch marks or birth scars aren’t ugly but are in fact a lasting memory of your baby’s first home that they happily accommodated for a whole 9 months. You can’t buy nice cute clothes on that body of yours as you don’t look at it in the same light as your pre baby physique, instead you spend your time and money picking out even cuter outfits for your baby who ironically would look good in absolutely ANYTHING. Yes it’s stressful but never lonely and NEVER a dull moment! Remembering on the down days that your baby looks up at you with nothing but pure unconditional love and affection for you, their first love.

So thats my 18 so far, anyone else got any moods they have discovered through the journey of motherhood? 

Until next time

Rachi AKA Psycho moody mother xoxo

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Written by Rachel Gregory for her blog, Rach and Noah.

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