Don’t Blame Daddy
Written by Rachel Anders for her blog, Rach and Noah.
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So, this specific one is very special to me. It is about my partner in crime, my future husband and the father of my little man. Jordan.
I would like to start off my saying this segment is based on a man who from day one has been the most helpful, selfless gentle human being I know. If this sounds like your baby daddy then carry on reading.
From the day I started showing an interest in babies and birth, I soon come to realise there is a lot of limelight around the mother. Rightfully so right girls? We held that baby in our bodies for 9 whole months and then spent what felt as long getting the head out after! Well. I believe daddy’s take a back seat naturally because of this.
Before Noah was born I had my worries. I have only Jordan over family wise for physical and moral support. How will I cope? Will he pull his weight? Or will he carry on living is busy social life and forget about us?
On the 31st of October, the day Noah was born, I saw something change in Jordan. As if he had grew up and found eternal love in one heartbeat. He was in love from the moment he set eyes on his son. It was beautiful.
For the next 2 weeks we where lucky to spend it together, just the 3 of us getting to know each other. I was exclusively breastfeeding (or training to!) and Jordan even helped me focus on how to breastfeed correctly. He fed me and helped me do everything else so I could feed our son. He was our stay at home nanny. He cleaned, he fed me, he soothed Noah, he missed sleep so I didn’t feel alone, he warmed bottles and made sure I remembered to take medication. He was a saint in human form.
2 weeks later he went back to work. Of course that day all Noah did was scream, scream, scream. I felt at this point extremely lucky to keep such a tight knit with the mums from my antenatal class, sharing guidance, fears and generally telling each other we are in the same boat. They were my saving grace.
There was many more days like this. I call them cry days. Where Noah cried and all I wanted to do was join in too. I blamed Jordan for leaving me. I blamed myself for blaming Jordan and envying him. What I would do at that moment to swap places. Does he think this is easy? Does he realize I was up the whole of last night? Does he think I am slacking off because I am ‘not at work’. I would have died for a day in the office again. Oh how easy it seemed now in comparison to this. I didn’t sign up for this shit I told myself!
Weeks went by and slowly I started to gain more confident in my mummy skills. Enough to realise what stupid narrow minded thoughts I had about Jordan. Why couldn’t I at that point put myself in his shoes? What he was probably thinking in his head.
Dont’ you think I’de rather be at home with my son rather than working?
I work long days, don’t you think I deserve a rest too when I get home?
To this day, I still have them tough days (and many many more to come too) where I think how can anything else be harder. But then I remember a dad is a special person. A worker, a friend, a partner, a father, a wet shoulder. A father isn’t the blame. No one is to blame. The life with a baby isn’t easy for both mum and dad. But it’s worth it.
Through my experience thus far I believe that speaking and listening is the key. It works both ways and it is always wise to walk in their shoes before critisising.
To Jordan (and all the other fab dads) sorry for our grumpy mornings where we slept 2 hours last night. Sorry we aren’t entirely bouncing with joy when you are playing football, or golf and we are cleaning up baby sick for the 6 billionth time that day. Sorry for turning the cold shoulder when you wasn’t home for Noah’s bath time, again. But most of all, sorry for ever blaming you for being at work, providing for us, being supportive. A dad has a different job to a mum, but it’s just as important, and no doubt you are taking up that role like a boss! We love you! xox