The ‘Mom Code’
Surely there’s a ‘Mom Code’ that we’re all supposed to be following? Kind of like the ‘Girl Code’. The unwritten rule of ethics that exists between moms. The ‘We’re all in this together’ mentality.
I’ll be the first to admit I was a little judgey before I had experienced motherhood myself. I naively thought that boisterous kids were actually just undisciplined – but karma has soon set me straight on that one ha ha. However, now I’m a mom (of a boisterous child) and I totally understand the stresses and strains of having this little whirlwind attached to you at all times…
So my question is ‘Should us moms be judging other moms?’ I’m not talking about the childless women…I get that they have no idea what it’s like and therefore will have their opinion, albeit an ignorant one. I’m talking about the other moms. The women who have had to endure the public tantrums. The women who have had their child throw up on them in the middle of a queue and had to abandon their shopping. The women whose kid will hit or push just because the other child is standing too close or they don’t want them to play with them. Or the ones whos’ kids just won’t share. We all know what it’s like.
My boy is fantastic at sharing. He makes me so proud how he will offer round his snacks or take another child a toy to play with and take turns. But then he’s also a hitter. He will smack you right in the face totally unexpected. He gets told no. He gets put on the naughty step. He gets made to say sorry by a kiss or a cuddle (or a casual lean on the other child if they’re not well known) as he can’t say the word sorry yet. I will ask him if he is ready to say sorry and he will sometimes say no and it will take a few minutes for him to say yes and then go over…what more can I do?
It’s doesn’t happen all the time, but today as I was paying for my shopping another mom and her child (looked to be around 5 maybe) came up behind us. I had my boy on his reins so he was standing quite close to me when suddenly I heard the other mom say ‘that’s not very nice’. I turned around and asked what had happened? She said he had hit her daughter. I straight away told him off and that he was to say sorry. He looked at me and then leaned towards the girl and I understood he was saying sorry. I tried to explain to the other mom that he was saying sorry in his own way as he isn’t talking yet but she just pursed her lips and looked at me with this displeased expression.
It made me so angry but I also just wanted to sit down and cry. Why the judgement. Why look at me like I’m a piece of sh*t mother and make me feel that way. Surely she’s been through the toddler phase? Surely she knows what’s it’s like? Just because her child is now old enough to know better does that give her the right to cast judgement on me? I expected to share a sympathetic look of understanding and be on our way. ? He’s not even two yet and he had said sorry so what else did she want from us?
So I suppose I’m wondering where is the solidarity of moms? Where’s is the support and the kind words? Where is the understanding? Is this ‘Mom Code’ a myth? You never know how fragile another person may be feeling. You don’t know what kind of day they’re having. So unless you can honestly say you’re child has never ever messed up or done something wrong, then keep your judgemental looks to yourself.
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