Everything Has Changed

Before you, I could leave the house without a second thought. With no particular thought pattern beyond ‘I’m going to leave the house today’. Granted, I didn’t do much smiling at my body before you. But my god I wish I had. Before you, I didn’t have excess skin, or deep rooted stretch marks scarred into my body. If I didn’t feel much like talking, I could lay under the comfort and security of a duvet and avoid the world.

Now you are here, I do the opposite of the above.

I have a 12-part to-do list just to go for a walk with you. I feel the stretch marks in my skin; each one a little reminder of the sacrifices my body made. Each one designed and perfected by you. I still have days when I want to hide. But those days I spend in the comfort and security of your company, and knowing you are happy makes those days much more bearable.

Now you are here, you walk and you talk (okay mostly the same 3 words. On repeat. Like a broken record that makes my head rattle, but you talk nonetheless), you smile and laugh and cuddle. And my heart could burst watching you learn your way around the world.

My creativity flows a little different. I rarely have the time or energy to put makeup on to do something so menial like shopping. My body will never be the same, from my skin to the shape I have. I have a purpose in life. I’m not just a daughter or a coworker or a friend. My place in the world is you. Raising you, loving you, wiping away tears and kissing grazed knees better. My place in the world is making your world beautiful by being the best possible role model, mother, confidant and a friend.

Everything has changed. But I am more me than I have ever been. You make me a better me, for you.


Written by Molly McMullan for her blog Life With Tristan.

You can follow her on Facebook here.

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