AITA: Pregnant And Fiance Always Feels Worse Than Me

"I (26F) am currently getting close to finishing my first trimester of pregnancy with our first child. While I haven’t had morning sickness (thankfully), I have been nauseous, had insomnia off and on, and have never known this level of exhaustion existed. My fiancé (25m) will often ask me how I’m doing or feeling. However, every single time I say anything other than that I am perfectly fine, he then has to tell me how bad HE feels. If I’m tired, he’s more tired. If I’m nauseated, he has a headache. He words it in a way that tries to make it sound like he has it worse. This is a man with no chronic health issues or unseen disability, to clarify. He will then go the about the rest of his activities as normal, with no indication that he feels poorly in any way. I have previously mentioned that my health isn’t his competition, and that I’d rather he not ask about me at all than try to act like he’s worse every single time. He claims he’s just commiserating. Today, I admit I snapped at him. He asked how I was feeling and I responded that this has been the worst day for me for symptoms so far and I would seriously consider taking off work but am saving my days for later on. His exact words were “You don’t even know. I feel like crap and my head is killing me”. I responded that he needs to quit telling me I don’t know how bad he has it when I am literally growing an entire human, and he is perfectly fine. He said “It’s not a competition and he should be able to complain”, which I feel is missing the entire point. AITA?"

Read the full Reddit thread here

What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One of the top comments said:

"NTA. Your fiancé is being very insensitive and dismissive of your pregnancy symptoms. He is not commiserating, he is competing. He should be more supportive and understanding of what you are going through, not try to make it about himself."

While another said:

"NTA I'm in my second trimester and I am telling you here and now if my partner tried to out-do my pregnancy symotoms I WOULD EAT HIM!! Your man needs to griw up real fast. It's unacceptable for him to try downplaying your symptoms and he needs to stop now. Maybe he's feeling a littke neglected or detached and he's trying to sympathize or get some attention. But it stops today. It's so unfair of him to make this into a competition."

Our verdict...

While it's not a competition who is feeling worse, we do think the posters fiance needs to read the room before he replies. She feels as though her feelings are being dismissed when we all know how exhausting and how much our body changes when growing a baby. It sounds as though the fiance doesn't even realise what he is doing. We hope she sits him down and lays her feelings out and hopefully he'll become more aware of the problem. 

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