Home Real Stories Out of the Mouths of Parents – Things We Never Imagined Ourselves Saying!

Out of the Mouths of Parents – Things We Never Imagined Ourselves Saying!

by Bump, Baby & You

When I found out I was pregnant, I expected and prepared for the ins and outs & the ups and downs…

However, what I didn’t expect was some of the weird phrases I find myself saying to my son on a daily basis! ‘No Max, that’s not a drink, it’s my dry shampoo!’ tends to be the most common utterance, because for some reason he thinks my cans of dry shampoo are bottles of pop… *shrug*.

I asked the mummies in our Facebook community if they’ve experienced the same, and I wasn’t disappointed!

Hannah Louise Williams: Stop eating your own poop🤷‍♀️

Holly Bergin: No I won’t “grow” a willy when I’m bigger😂

Candice Bridgland: Ooh, what a lovely poo! X

Brittany Rose Castellano: “You can’t use your toothbrush to clean the toilet!!! that’s disgusting!” (they watch me clean the toilet with the scrub brush and think it’s a giant toothbrush)

Louise-Patricia Dalby: Don’t try to play with the spider it doesn’t want to play right now.

Joanna Welch: No thank you, I don’t need you to pick my nose 👃☝️

Katey Bower: Please don’t touch your willy with the toy tractor… It’s not acceptable to give people bogeys as presents…. Too many to choose

Lou Barfield: Please don’t lick the dog 🙄 “we don’t use fairy wands as weapons”

Bethany Collings: PHOEBE!? HAVE YOU POOD?


‘Yes Mummy, *points*’. -Thank you Phoebe! ❤️

Laura Hennessey: Don’t sit on the cat!

Melanie Kim Small: ‘just because we live closer to the hospital doesn’t mean you can do stuff to hurt yourself’ 🤔 or ‘leave it alone it will fall off’ (his willy) lol xx

Lizzy Taylor: Get out of the fridge!

Beckie Yelland: “Good girl for bringing up your wind”
“No one wants to eat your boogies”
“Stop touching people’s bums saying ‘bum bum'” (she’s just learnt this word 🙄)

Jessica Johnson: Stop trying to eat the plug hole and aw yay you’ve done a poo 🤔 x

Sam Louise: Stop pulling my top down.
Don’t put your finger up my nose.
Don’t put your bum in her face that’s not nice

Rachel Miles: “Well done! What a lovely poo.. good boy!”

Vanessa Ward Oscar: stop headbutting the floor you absolute melon

Rochelle Annie Slater: ‘Stop tugging on your weaner. You’ll make it fall off ‘ or ‘do you need a wee’ – 2 seconds later after a reply of no he’s peed all over the floor

Sarah Newcombe Jones: Stop licking the toilet!

Jade Frances Skinner: No Mylo, Lipstick is just for mummy

Christine Beck: Stop licking the windows/dog!

Don’t put your Willy in that!

Jennifer Jolie: Stop licking the radiator its hot your going to burn your tounge stop stop… he didnt stop and instead chose to carry on licking the raidator guessing it wasnt hot enough to burn his tounge after all as i couldnt get him to stop licking it! 🤭😳

Cathy Becousse: Stop putting your cars on the cats back while she sleeps on the sofa.

Emily Youell-King: No you can’t shove that pen in the extension lead. Stop licking the window. Go down the stairs backwards don’t try and walk down them. No that’s normal for my child. Don’t try and sit on your brother. Dont shove that Peppa pig toy in daddy’s Xbox. Don’t climb in the washing machine. 😂😂😭

Laura Jones: Just be sick in my hand 🤚 🙄

Charlotte Mai Amison: Stop drinking out the dogs water bowl!

Shiann Giacopelli: ‘Don’t feed the dog your poo’!!! My 14 month old was in our backyard in her shell pool naked and done a poo on the ground and tried to give it to the dog 🤦‍♀️

Shannon Gorton: No, don’t put the ice cream on the telly!
Can happily say the other half was sad for a while after😴 apparently peppa wanted some c

Laura Fawcus: Yesterday’s was, ‘why are you rolling a tin of mushroom soup over your naked body?!’

Rebekah Lynn: Quit picking your nose. Your finger is going to get stuck.

Freya Edwards: I’ll give you something to cry about 😂

Emily Lohja: My name is mama, stop calling me ‘honey’ she mimics my husband
“MAMA!” “Yes Melody?” “MOOEY” “Yes, Melody, that IS where tampons go, but not for a long time yet!” (She loves tampons and sticks them in the top of her nappy, walking around like shes got a gadget belt or something 😂😂)

Bethany Townsend: Stop picking your nose you will pick your brain out

No I don’t want you to pick my nose

Get your hand out of your nappy



Jo Hall: Leave your brothers willy alone.

My youngest always tries to grab my eldests whenever I’m changing his nappy

Uh oh here comes the poo police.

Again my youngest always liked to watch my changing my older boys nappy.

Hannah Goddard: “Fine, lick the wall if it makes you happy”

Helen Mauger: “Take your willy out of your bowl of grapes, please”

Sarah Boyles: (5am) it’s OK I’ll get up with her, I’m not tired now anyway x

Hayley Wilson: It’s your baby too.
Stop farting
Come on will u poo for me please it’s been 2 days …See more

Donna Bale: “Poo poo poo poo all the way home” in a public toilet…

Laura Musson: “Stop pulling your willy”
“Don’t drink that water that’s for the dog!”
“Baaaabe come and sort your son out, he’s licking the radiator again!”

Hannah Fay: “No reggie you are not driving mummy’s car.. you’re two years old!”

Every. Single. Day

Adelle Hope: Esme please stop licking the bus windows 🤦‍♀️😩👌

Eilidh Smith: Please take your toothbrush out of your bum…..

Carolanne Thompson: Please don’t stick the drumstick up the dogs bum, she doesn’t like it

Get your finger out your nose.

Please let go of your willy, it’s not going to fall off

Annabelle Connelly: Please stop grabbing hold of your testicles son…

Isabella Keaney: “I don’t think you nanny wants you to put kit kats in the washing machine”

Dana JM Evans: “Why is there peanut butter on the cat?”, “Why is everything wet?”, “Is this poop or chocolate?”

Becky Ward: Stop pooing on the floor 🙄
Did you poo in the garden again?
Don’t drink out of the potty

Steph Brown: Noo, don’t lick the cat

Libby Sherry: Vegetables are food Not toys to play with

Sharna Edwards: ‘Don’t put it up the dogs bum’
‘Stop drinking toilet water’
‘Get out of the washing machine’

Vicky Watson: Please take that dog biscuit out of your mouth

Please stop licking me

No that’s my nose not a nipple

Please don’t tell your sister to lick the windows

Kelsey-leigh Everett: “Do not bite your brother”
“Get your head out the toilet”
“Stop slapping your bits” 🤣🤣

Cara Smith: Stop turning the virgin box off! Don’t touch the wifi box!

Don’t put the charger in your mouth!

Lannette Hanslip: Sniff her butt 😂

Jess Atemporal: “Yaaay! That was a great poop honey!” 💙

Tell us in the comments… what weird things have YOU caught yourself saying now that you’re a parent, that you’d never have imagined before?

Love from Katie. Xx


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