Dear Working Mum

If you are a mom, you are a Superhero, Period  — Rosie Pope

I know how hard it feels at times. The hardest part of being a working mother is the guilt, constant exhaustion and lack of time to tick of everything on our to-do list. The guilt of not being enough. No matter how organised, efficient and structured you are as a mother there will be days you feel completely drained, overwhelmed and exhausted. You might beat yourself because last weekend you didn’t have any energy left to cook fresh meals and opted for pizza delivery. You might feel like a failure because your child narrowly missed drinking bathroom bleach. You might feel unreliable at your job because you had to call in sick yet again. You might have looked in the mirror one morning and realized you don’t recognize the person staring back at you. You might even feel you are not living your best life. You might feel you have settled for less in your career.

I know it gets hard mum. I know it can be hard every single day having these little people rely on you for literally everything and anything. Your kids might constantly bicker, fight and yell at one another. You yell back at them and realize wow that they sound JUST LIKE YOU. You wonder if anything good you try so desperately to teach them will ever sink in. Most of all, will your kids do well in life?

But remember you’re not alone. We live in a world of “not enough,” that breeds insecurity and leaves us feeling unfulfilled.

Dear mothers, we have to learn to lower our expectations about what we can accomplish in a day. Some days it is more than enough if all you are able to do is keep your children safe, warm, fed and loved. We often forget to appreciate, celebrate, and acknowledge all the things that we have within ourselves which no one can take away from us. Our kind and loving hearts, our resilience, our perseverance.

My home is filled with more legos than I can count, there are little fingerprints on everything and it is never quiet. My bank balance has never been this low since I graduated from university. I am always tired. But there is love and laughter. In 20 years my children wont remember the days when the house was messy or when they had toast for dinner, or how rough my hair looked but they will remember the quality time I spent together and the love they felt. I am still yet to find a tombstone that read “here lies such and such, she was a really great asset to her company or her nails shop served so many people”. My hope and prayer is that my children will remember that mummy tried- even when she was tired even when she was stressed. I hope they will realize that I did it all for them. I had every intention of being an awesome mum but that some days all I could be was okay.

Let’s stop trying to meet someone else’s standards of what motherhood is meant to be like. Living your life in the pursuit of perfection and other people set expectations is a surefire way to end up very unhappy and depressed. Be yourself. Never let your temporary setbacks make you think your life is terrible.

You do not have to carry all the physical and mental load yourself. It might feel like you cannot always rely on your partner to do things the way you like. But you have to learn to trust and release some of that control. If you have a spouse why not ask them to help in a very respectful and polite way. Ask them very nicely to sort the costume for world book day. Ask them respectfully to take charge of one of the kids activities. This will reduce some of your constant burden and anxiety. Reduce and prioritize your commitments. You don’t have to attend every function. Your child does not have to take part in every activity.

Remind yourself you are beautiful. Don’t let anxiety or depression defeat you. Focus all of that energy into something more valuable than perfection – building on and refining your unique talents.

The strength of a mother is second to none. I want to remind you that you are the world those little people revolve around.

Be kind to yourself.
You are amazing.
You are good enough.
You are worth it.

Your children are so blessed to have you! You are doing a good job!

Happy Mother’s day 2019 to all the great mums and future mums, thank you for all you do. You are making the world a better place, keep being intentional.

Check out my Mother’s day interview for the Jo Maxwell show.

Episode 1
Episode 2

Feel free to leave a word of encouragement to other mums in the comments section below. Thank you for reading!

Written by Folakemi Sebiotimo for her blog, Peacocks Can Fly.

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