You may have noticed that you have become a parent. I hope you have anyway! You might have also realised that your behaviour has changed. You have started doing things that you have never done before.
Here are 10 things that you could now class as parenting behaviour.
1. You know the theme songs for every programme on CBeebies
Do you ever find yourself with a quiet minute to yourself in the day, sat quietly with only your thoughts to occupy you? Then out of nowhere you realise that you are humming the theme song to Postman Pat. It happens to me on a regular occurrence. I don’t know where it comes from and it’s usually the programmes that annoy the hell out of me. The latest theme song to haunt me is Gigglebiz. A show by Justin (the most annoying man on the planet) Fletcher. Every time I watch it I tell myself…I hate this programme so much. Then I find myself singing it to myself a few hours later. That guy is going to haunt me forever.
2. You can smell a poo a mile off
Being a parent gives you a superpower that allows you to sniff out a poo from a mile away. Not only can you sniff out poos, but you can also pick out your own child’s poo from a crowd of pooey children. You never forget the smell of your own child’s dirty nappy. I imagine when the potty training stage starts, the aroma of Austin’s poo will never be far from my nostrils.
3. You are always equipped with the necessary parenting tools
Being a parent means that you never ever leave the house without nappies, a dummy and a pack of wipes. These three items can solve any parenting problem you could ever think of. If you leave the house without one of these items, it can feel like you’ve left the house without your right arm. Things just don’t feel quite right. I’ve been brave enough to nip out with the baby many times without a bag and without a dummy because ‘I would only be a minute’. It never ends well. Disaster always strikes and you have nothing to help you.
4. You have a strong stomach
Before becoming a parent, the thought of poo, sick and snot used to turn my stomach. I’d never even dream of going anywhere near a snotty nose. Now that I am a Dad, I don’t think twice about wiping Austin’s nose with my bare hands. An explosive nappy has become second nature to me too.
5. You’re bathroom time is your break
Going to the bathroom used to have the sole purpose of elimination and making that quick deposit. These days, going to the bathroom provides a safe place to hide out for a couple of minutes. A place where nobody will bother you. I love nothing more than settling down on the toilet to catch up on my social media. It’s also great thinking time. Some of my best blog posts have been thought up whilst bare arsed on the loo.
6. A wild night in consists of peace and quiet at home
The biggest treat that you ever have as a parent is an uninterrupted night on the sofa. Your desires become very simple. After a day of none stop running around after a little one and being on the go, there’s nothing better than turning off your brain and switching off. My 18 year old self would be laughing at me right now.
7. Hiding in the kitchen to eat a meal in peace
We’ve all done this as a parent. Hidden in the kitchen to eat a meal in peace. It’s not that we don’t like sharing with our children. It’s just that children don’t like sharing with us. If they catch you with food then it’s game over for you. Say goodbye to your dinner. Hiding is our only option.
8. The sound of silence terrifies you
The golden rule for any parent is…if you can hear them, you know what they are doing. As soon as the silence hits, that’s when you need to start worrying. When Austin goes quiet, I can usually find him with his head inside a cupboard in the kitchen. Most of the time playing with a pack of super noodles.
9. You’ve started to use typical parent phrases
When you first become a parent, you try to be your own person and parent in your own way. What you soon realise, is that you’ve just turned into your own parents. You start using phrases that have been said to you over and over again throughout your childhood.
“If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t be big and strong”
“Eat your carrots, they will help you see in the dark”
“Them crusts will put hairs on your chest”
10. Having a drink requires a week of recovery
Have you ever tried going on a night out after having kids? Not a good idea. Whatever you used to be able to drink, half that amount and that’s now your limit. For me that means drinking half a pint and I’m done for. The recovery time for heavy drinking just isn’t worth it anymore. No parent wants to spend a day hungover whilst singing wheels on the bus on repeat.
I hope you have related to all of these things. If you feel like I have missed some other parenting behaviour then let me know!