Well I’m in the new born phase…my head is in a shed and I feel like I might die I’m So tired. Mentally…not too bad considering…I haven’t had much to even think about other than surviving day by day. I thought I best try and at least write my blog..about something haha…be prepared for even worse spelling mistakes and errors in grammar…
Unfortunately, I’m not talking about the baby or the boys for that matter in terms of tantrums. In fact they have taken to having a little baby brother very well. Especially when baby bought both Boys a toy story toy. I was surprised at Henry because I thought he would be the jealous one but he has loved it, he’s so helpful and talks about his little Baby at nursery. Freddie on the other hand has been very emotional and does not understand. He smiles at baby but also hits him in the face.
So you expected it to be blissful when you had a baby but instead you are full of rage? and feel like you just want to hit your husband/partner in the face with a shovel?….no?….
Well you may be relieved to know that postpartum anger and rage is a thing and is not uncommon.
I remember when Henry was first born and I was so annoyed and mad for no reason I wanted to storm out but I couldn’t just storm out now because I was married and had a baby…which only made me more mad. I just wanted to buy a pack of fags and get on a flight to Ibiza! I remember phoning my pal from Sainsbury’s car park contemplating life…’welcome to the world of adulthood girl’. She gave me one of her amazing motivational speeches and I felt like Beyoncé again afterwards but i was totally in melt down mode prior.
It’s the fact that so much changes for you and your body and circumstances change so much more. It’s normal to feel a little resentful towards your partner. Not only that but children do change your relationship dynamic and it’s no wonder that only strong relationships survive these times as it is hard work for both parents adjusting to life with children.
There is never time to talk about things. It’s all about the babies.
You are trying to be you but you can’t be the old you…because you are a mum now and you are so responsible. It can be scary.
I’ve been so chilled out this time round (Tom might disagree)
My main and only rage is the fact that he has suddenly decided to start snoring!!! Like the worst snoring ever…it’s even more intense when you are awake feeding a newborn…makes my blood boil!!!
I have to be rational though because I love my husband very much and he works very hard and he does help in the night after a nudge…
I think we all just need to not be so hard on ourselves and realise that we are doing an amazing job trying to raise tiny humans…it isn’t easy but they won’t be little forever. Embrace that extra cuddle, read the story for the 20th time…get down on the floor and pretend your a donkey whilst your back is giving way…these times won’t last forever and you will miss them when they grow up.
If you have Mum rage…
Go to the bottom of the garden and shout and let it all out… go to the gym if you can get out…try eat better and resist the pound bags of chocolate buttons (easier said that done). Don’t torture yourself or beat yourself up about it, if it becomes unhealthy in terms of wanting to harm yourself or others you should definitely seek help and advice from midwife, GP, counsellor, family and friends. You do not have to suffer alone xxx
(I have just found out that my clever husband has passed his exam!!! Must be all them good nights sleep he’s been having! Jokes aside though we could not be prouder. Well on his way to becoming a consultant. Go dada! xxxx)