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Time For Another One?

by Marie Blake

For the last few months this question has started being asked more frequently, it casually gets dropped into conversations all over the place. ‘So is it time to have another one?’ and ‘You want them close in age?’ or even ‘You’re not getting any younger?’

I think for some people close age gaps work wonderfully, the siblings will be close and the parents take it in their stride, I know it’s just a personal preference to me and I may well be in the minority.

Truth is, I would really have to consider having another baby at all . What?! And let her be an only child? Heaven forbid.

I had hyperemisis gravidarum (HG) which is likened to morning sickness but it’s a hundred times worse. I couldn’t get out of bed in weeks, couldn’t look at my phone, shower. I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva without being sick it was truly one of the darkest times of my life. I had a stay in hospital, hooked up to a drip and I was severely dehydrated. Eventually I was on strong anti sickness tablets normally used for the side effects of chemotherapy. I stopped being so sick, but didn’t stop feeling it. I really don’t want to suffer with HG again, many HG sufferers opt for surrogacy the second time around.

You know those women who adore pregnancy? The ones who glow and look amazing? Yeah? I wasn’t one. I was sweaty, swollen and achy. I was drinking gaviscon like mad, trying to ease the crazy indigestion. Apparently if you have bad heartburn or indigestion when pregnant, it mean you’re baby will have lots of hair. I was convinced I was giving birth to a yeti.

After a traumatic birth I decided Jasmine would be an only child. That was it. Done. There was no changing my mind.

Until I realised how cool she is! I mean now she’s evolved from being a very pretty, needy blob, she’s a really little person. She’s funny, she’s cheeky and she is very strong willed. We adore her. I’d love to see her with a sibling if she wants one.

Also there’s the pressures of us getting elderly one day, would it be easier for her if she had a sibling to help with elderly parents?

For me I’m at a stage where I’m really enjoying spending time with her, watching her grow in to a little person , I couldn’t imagine splitting my time and I couldn’t imagine splitting my heart. How could I ever love another child as much? I know people do, I just can’t see that at the moment.

There’s also the tiny detail that Jasmine doesn’t sleep longer than two hours at a time . So I couldn’t imagine having a newborn to go with my no longer newborn – who sleeps like a newborn!

One day I may entertain the idea of another child but right now I’m not convinced. If I couldn’t have anymore for whatever reasons, I would be fine and continue to count myself truly blessed.

Did you decide to grow your family? How was the transition? Would you have anymore?

Written by Marie Blake for her blog, Tummy2Mummy.

Follow her on FacebookInstagram and Twitter.

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2 comments

Jo 1st January 2020 - 7:57 pm

I loved pregnancy some of mine were harder then others but now waiting of the birth of our 10th baby 👶🏻 not sure when I’m going to stop lol

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Faye 1st January 2020 - 11:38 pm

I can totally relate. My sickness wasnt as bad as this, however I did suffer greatly with morning sickness throughout my pregnancy and was given anti sickness tablets. I was constantly exhausted and had days where I couldn’t get out of bed. I believe this was partly due to long-term mental health issues, which I control with medication, combined with all the changes the body goes through during pregnancy. I found it a real struggle. My daughter is only 8 months old but a lot of people ask when we will have another child. I’m not sure I want to go through the process again. Taking care of myself and my mental health is essential for me to be able to care for my child and I think that’s more important than giving my daughter a sibling. Maybe one day we will decide we are ready but I certainly don’t feel like our family of 3 is incomplete. I also don’t expect to have to explain or justify the reasons why we may not have another child. It shouldn’t be ok to ask a woman when she plans to have a child without her bringing up the subject herself, nor should it be ok for a mother to be expected to have another child just because she has one already.

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