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Holding it Together

by Daniel Mountain-Bamling

It’s 5 in the morning, woken up with a scream,

Part of her conscious pretty sure it’s a dream,

Autopilot engaging,

Over tired and raging,

Day 105 of the new baby regime,

 

Dredging the ocean that is our bedroom floor,

On the search for a bottle on her way to the door,

Scaling washing pile mountains,

2 pints knocked over and counting,

Dreading what the day has in store,

 

Of course there’s no baby milk made,

Acting out anger like she’s playing charades,

Deep breath and re-start,

Let the demons depart,

Determination, she’s got it in spades,

 

But no matter how hard she’s been trying,

She can’t escape that strong urge to start crying,

She’s Emotionally tilted,

Her patience now wilted,

The presence of Sorrow underlying,

 

The distant memory of a care free existence,

Realisation of it’s passing, is persistent,

No longer feels she’s a lover,

Trumped by being a mother,

The dark clouds in her head are insistent,

 

To her son she is constantly happy,

Singing him songs while she changed his nappy,

Her love is undoubted,

Her pain just re-routed,

On the inside she’s feeling just crappy,

 

Riddled with guilt to the point of despair,

For having these thoughts, “they’ll think I do not care”,

A new pattern is emerging,

Feelings of helplessness surging,

Reaching out for an instant repair,

 

Her painted on smile, masks her internal torment,

Resurfacing anguish that’s been lying there dormant,

Postpartum depression,

Its identity oppression,

Back in the moment in a flash when the door went,

 

A brief second of equilibrium reinstated,

On the return of the man she once dated,

A relief of some pressure,

To some hands that are fresher,

It’s A new lease of life, she’s elated,

 

To see the love of your life so near broken, mental health usually just goes unspoken,

Crying out for salvation,

A break from the frustration,

I can’t bear to see her so heartbroken,

 

She doesn’t know the true value of her worth,

Pushing herself to the limits in childbirth,

This woman is my idol,

That no-one can rival,

Like an angel that’s fallen to earth,

 

Without our leading lady in our lives we’d be lost,

She protects her little family, at any cost,

She’s our compass in the fog,

Our inner monologue,

Losing her would be our holocaust,

 

Just know that you’re a part of a team,

I’ll be your boat when your swimming up stream,

Plug into my power,

Take a rest for an hour,

Until you’re back to being supreme,

 

“Till death do us part” and I meant it,

When you’re energy is low I’ll  Supplement it,

Two halves of one soul,

Only together we’re whole,

The rings on our two fingers cement it.

Written by Daniel Mountain-Bamling

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