Ladies and gentlemen, the time is upon us, when every single toy on the ad break is ‘I want it!! I want it mummy, MUMMY I NEEEEEEEED IT!’
I mean.. They absolutely fucking don’t , dunno ’bout you lot but my lounge rivals the recent sainsburys toy sale; WHICH BY THE WAY if you didn’t attend – you really heavily missed out on buying discounted shit you never even knew you wanted.
DAILY I stand on one of the Peppa Pig family, or end up skating across my lounge on Marshalls fire engine.
But boys and girls, we’ve approached the season to be jolly tra lalala – Santa is officially watching every move your child makes, you can officially use Santa in every which way possible.
Won’t eat their tea? Santa’s watching.
Won’t willingly brush their teeth? Santa’s watching
Won’t stay in bed past 7am? You guessed it… SANTASSSSS WATCHING.
You can even buy a fake santa cctv thingy… Like people are getting balls deep into this bribery and I’m not even sorry – it’s a fucking dream!
Sat with my drink… “Mummy me have some?”
‘No babe, mummy needs to drink this beautiful Bailey’s coffee with no interruptions else Santa won’t be pleased.’
I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do come January but right now, I am RINSING this shit.
I’ve got an app on my phone to call santa, I can put in if he’s been bad or good, absolute bribery gold. The only small, teensy, eensy little problem I have is that… IN RETURN… Santa’s promised a hell of a lot of toys, that I can’t seem to find on WISH for ‘FREE only pay delivery’…
Bugger it. I’m gonna be skint!