I like to think that I’m fairly resilient. I’ve climbed Mount Fuji with nothing more than a banana to eat, navigated my way by train through India, and have even ventured into Sainsburys on Christmas Eve. I’m not afraid of a challenge and won’t easily be beaten, but I have to be honest: I think I may now have finally met my match.
You see, I’m on a bit of a quest – no, let’s call it a mission – to track down something which is proving to be highly elusive.
The only thing that keeps me going is that I know these things do actually exist. I’ve seen them before. In fact, I even owned some of them once. But that was many moons ago…. I also know that these things don’t discriminate. Underweight, overweight or average weight; tall or short: I’ve seen all types of women with them.
So if they’re out there, why can’t I track down this clandestine clothing? Am I destined to be beaten by these demons in denim? Yes readers, I am talking about the Scarlet Pimpernels of the clothing world: ‘Jeans-that-fit’.
I have scoured shopping centres, and browsed, ordered and returned multiple purchases of potential ‘Jeans-that-fit’ from numerous websites, but for about 3 years now, my mission to find them has been unsuccessful.
Sometimes I buy a pair of jeans and desperately hold onto them in the hope that one day they may miraculously morph into the wonder that is ‘Jeans-that-fit’, but alas, to date, none of them have.
Perhaps it’s that I don’t know my real size anymore after having a baby. I was always able to track down ‘Jeans-that-fit’ without too much difficulty before becoming pregnant, but since then I’ve found them to be like hare’s teeth. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that any potential ‘Jeans-that-fit’ will have to sympathetically accommodate my attractive c-section overhang. I know from painful experience in numerous changing rooms that most jeans lack that level of compassion.
But can it be that simple? I know people with children who have managed to find ‘Jeans-that-fit’, and often more than once. And sometimes, they’ve managed to find them in more than one shop.
Could it be that I have missed the boat? Have retailers simply stopped manufacturing ‘Jeans-that-fit’?
I’ve been to all my old faithful shops, tried styles I used to wear and styles I think I should be able to wear: high rise, low rise, medium rise, skinny and straight. I have had no luck.
I love jeans. I used to live in them. In my old job I even wore them to work. I can’t imagine life without them. So does that mean that I am destined to spend the rest of my life with a saggy, droopy bottom? Or displaying a ‘builder’s bum’ every time I bend over? Or being forever unable to sit down without doing myself an injury? Am I simply asking too much to want to find a pair of ‘Jeans-that-fit’?
The mission continues….