There comes a time in every boy mothers life that they have to say those utterly dreaded but equally funny words “put your winky away!”
Now, it’s been a frequent line in our house for the past week as Oscar thinks it’s quite hilarious to have his winky hanging over the band of his joggers. You have to keep a straight ‘mommy means what she’s saying’ face and explain that “its rude” whilst praying that your inner giggle isn’t showing in your eyes.
So there we were, ready for Oscar’s hearing test, and it’s a very quiet room. It has toys – multi colored wooden hoops, little peg dolls and a large screen – Now, you usually can sit in the room with Oscar but been as I had noisy Eden, I was asked to stand behind the screen. I could still watch and see everything and I presumed he would probably be able to see me too.
I’m dealing with screamer – I mean Eden, the 5 month old, colicky, teething screaming spawn of Satan when the hearing test begins. The test lady asks Oscar to put the multi colored peg dolls into the boat when he hears a noise, done, no problem!
I’m bouncing Eden and pacing up and down in the next room. The lady conducting the test then goes to adjust the pitch on her thingy majiggy, and that’s when I caught it! From the corner of my eye, I see him pulling his winky above his joggers,like a worm above ground! He’s giggling his little head off – the lady…. Hasn’t noticed a damn thing thankfully! But here I am, behind the screen bouncing screamer HEAVILY GESTURING TO PUT THE WINKY BACK IN THE PANTS FRANTICALLY every single time the lady looks away.
It’s like he’s blind, like he doesn’t even care what I’m saying,at one point I’m certain he was trying to balance one of the wooden hoops on it! I am pointing and waving my arms at my INVISIBLE NON EXISTENT PENIS AND PUTTING IT BACK IN MY JEAN’S.
Then in walks the assistant, who looks completely puzzled at me. I gave her the most awkward kill-me-now smile and off she wanders into the screening. She does a little smirk at me and NODS towards small persons crotch to the screening lady.
It was at that point I felt obliged to do my duty as a mother. I popped my head round the door, red faces all round and said “Oscar, put your winky away please. ” The little shit heard that clear as day. Think the hearing test was a success.
Must work on the winky thing.
Thank god we were discharged from hearing services.