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Being a parent of one small baby is tough enough, but three? We salute all parents of multiples!
When we become a new parent, multiple important messages become ingrained in us from professionals; crying it out isn't advised at all, sleep training isn't advised until a certain age, but also that it is important to put your crying baby down for 5 minutes and leave the room if we feel that we are at breaking point and they're fed, clean and have had cuddles. It might sound contradictory but this is a seriously important message, we feel, as there's such a connection between sleep deprived parents and incidents with babies being shaken. That couple of moments isn't the same as leaving a new baby to cry alone for hours and it can make such a difference for a new parent struggling to adjust.
One new mum of triplets, aged eight weeks old, has taken to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's in the wrong for stepping out into the fresh air for 5 minutes to sit on her front door step, with a baby monitor.
Read the post below...
"I (20) am a mother of triplets whom are only 2 months old. I never expected ever in my life that I'd be a mother to triplets so when I first became pregnant it was definitely the last thing in my mind.
I'm home with my babies all day long and had to even transfer my education to online.
Sometimes I just need some fresh air especially when I can't get them to stop crying and I find myself getting super frustrated to the point of tears, it's honestly soo hard and the dad isn't here to help as he's ether at work or at school. My fiance's (24) parents rented us a main floor apartment so when I step outside I'm literally just sitting on the chair right beside the door plus I have a baby monitor step up in their room and it has a camera on it I can literally see them and hear them so if anything happened I'd be able to quickly get to them.
Being able to step outside for a few minutes to take a breather is really important to me because I start to have mini panic attacks when I can't get them to stop crying and I get really frustrated because I just feel super overwhelmed, Being able to go outside just gives me a chance to clam down.
My fiance came home to me sitting outside while the babies were crying and freaked out on me calling me a horrible mom and a bunch of other names that I'm not gonna list here. He thinks that I was being super neglectful and putting the babies in harm way and even told his parents and now everyone seem to be really against me.
I grow up in the system my fiance's family is the only family I have and ever known so it breaks my hurt that they are so upset with me but I really don't think I was doing anything wrong or putting my babies in harm way but they seems to think otherwise.
So here I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions or if I am the A-hole in this situation."
Find the original thread here on Reddit.
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What was the general consensus?
The new mama of three was voted unequivocally NTA (Not The Asshole) by the readers of Reddit. Parents from all around the world jumped on to show their support and to praise her for being so proactive in knowing when she needed to practice self-care, but not at the detriment of her babies who were under surveillance of a monitor, mere feet away. The top rated comment was;
"NTA. When I had my baby one of the things the nurses told me repetitively while in hospital and during the home visits is that if she is crying and I know she has been fed, she has a clean nappy on and she isn't sick and I am getting stressed out its ok to go outside for a few minutes to just recollect myself.
Their exact words were "a crying baby is an alive baby".
They tell you this because it is better for a baby to be left to cry for a little while and the parents to get a breather, than for parents to wig out and hurt their babies in frustration.
This advice was so important. It allowed me to do what I needed to do without feeling guilty. And those few minutes really do help in those times when they won't settle. And I had one, let alone if I had three."
Another comment that gained thousands of upvotes was;
"This is the way. Dad came home to three crying alive babies. You were with them all day and kept them fed and clean, and you had a monitor on them while just feet away from them. You are a tired, amazing, NTA mom of these babies. Carry on, momma."
What was the update?
We're pleased to say that the poster showed the post to her fiance, with his initial reaction being one of annoyance, but after reading the thousands of excellent comments, he actually apologised! The poster shared;
"I decided to show my fiance this thread at first he was really upset with me for sharing our personal problems with strangers on the internet even though it's anonymous.
But in the end when he had a chance to clam down and hear me and all of you guys out he actually apologized and promised me he'd be more involved with parenting and even is willing to take parenting classes which I'll hold him to that.
I just wanna thank everyone for the support that you all give me it brought tears to my eyes (happy tears) seeing how supportive you all were to a stranger on the internet I don't think I ever received this much support before."
Our verdict...
It is absolutely ok, in fact it is essential, to put your baby down for a few minutes and leave the room as long as they're safe, if you're feeling like you are struggling. Take a breather, regroup, return - and if that little breather hasn't helped as much as you needed to, definitely contact a family member or friend to take over before seeking some professional advice.
This mum of newborn TRIPLETS - we felt the need to emphasise this part because this is not one screaming newborn, but three - actually acted incredibly sensibly, was close by, and we feel that she not only deserves but NEEDS more support. Now, we just hope that her fiance sticks to his promises...
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