I am the person who flings their arms and runs for it when a wasp comes out of nowhere. I am the person that ducks when a butterfly comes near me. I am the person that can’t cope with a spider in the house. I don’t care if it looks daft, that is who I am and nothing will change it. No amount of ‘it is more scared of you…’ and ‘stand still’ is going to work on me. (We all know that is bullshit advice anyway) ha!
I think everyone around me has accepted that this is me and at thirty years old I have achieved something that fifteen-year-old me would kill for… the ability to not care what other people think. It must be an age thing.
However… I have a dilemma.
Fears can be passed on from parent to child. I have a child. I am a parent. Parent spends a lot of time with child. Parent and child. Flappy armed panic in front of child. Do you see my dilemma?
My fear of wasps in particular has been one of the biggest problems of my life. It ruined family holidays for me and even now, from March to October, I am on the constant look out of the yellow demons. They’re just nasty, vile bullies. They have no purpose in life except to intimidate and torment us. And they know who is scared and who isn’t. Well, I am scared. And no amount of ‘they won’t hurt you’ will stop that. That’s me!
But what do I do in front of the child? She is going to see this fear. Something scares Mummy, that must mean it is bad, so she will be scared of it too. I’m sure if it came to it, ‘mother’s instinct’ would kick in and fear would disappear for a split second to get her out of any situations. Well, I hope it would anyway! But if one stings her…
I’ve seen people get stung and not bother about it. ‘Meh, it’s fine.’. But when I got stung… oh my dear lord. The pain! Up until giving birth, it was the most painful experience of my life. It was on the end of my finger, the smallest, tiniest little dot. But it might as well have hacked my finger off with a bread knife. It was first thing in the morning and it was still painful when I went to bed that night. And the swelling!! My small, child finger had morphed in to a fat sausage. I’d always been weary of wasps, but after that experience…
So what do I do with the child? I don’t want her to come to any harm from the bastards, but do I have to put my fear to one side? How on earth am I meant to do that? (This is where that parenting manual would come in handy…)
We’re now in to February and I am fearful of what the spring and summer months will bring. She’ll be walking soon anyway, I can teach her to run from them at least! Haha!
So in 2019, who is going to triumph? Supermum… or superfear?
Also, I know what you’re thinking… you can understand my fear of wasps, but what have butterflies done wrong? Well, let me answer that one for you.
Moths are disgusting, but they don’t hide it. They are honest about who they are. Butterflies try and pretend with their pretty colours. Put Freddie Kruger in a floral dress and there’s your butterfly!