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Help a Fellow Mama Out August 2023

Life as a mum or mum to be isn't easy. Often we need some support but don't know where to turn.

Our Bump, Baby & You Facebook page gets daily messages from mums looking for advice. We post anonymously for them and our amazing community of mums offer their advice.

Here are August's anonymous posts - to leave your own piece of advice, click the title of each problem and you will be taken to the Facebook post.

Partner's Mum is Doing My Head In.

"I'm pregnant with my first baby and my partners Mum is doing my head in. We didn't have a good relationship before - barely talking. Since finding out we're expecting she's sending me videos on how to burp a baby etc - I have nieces and nephews which she knows of, I've fed them, burped them, changed them etc (all very basic things) I even lived with one of them for his first few months of being born as my sister hadn't moved out yet. Yet her son on the other hand has no experience, yet she's sending them to me! I find it annoying and dont think shes doing it just to be nice. My partner doesn't want to say anything to her as he doesn't want to start an argument but I'm afraid if it continues and I say something it will be worse. It's actually causing me a lot of stress and anxiety she's become quite overbearing and I don't know how to tell her to back off in a nice way? It has me worried about how she will be when the baby is here. How did you establish boundaries? Anyone been through similar? How did you handle it?"

"I have had a few issues with my sister over the past couple of years on and off, but recently she has made things difficult between us, she got back in contact with me a few weeks ago after we hadn't spoken in five months to tell me something important about our older sister, and I wasn't happy that she didn't ask how me and her nephews are doing especially when iv had alot of hospital appointments for my youngest due to him having tounge tie which caused feeding issues and slow weight gain but he's now doing well and putting weight on I also developed PND, and I was really upset by this as she just went straight into details with what she needed to tell me and think about mine and her nephews feelings, she does lack empathy also, so we had a bit of an argument through messages and she sent my husband a message telling him to stay away from me and that I didn't love him which isn't true he's my absolute world and I love him so so much and it's really upset us both, I know she just said it to hurt me, but she has blocked us both so I can't contact her and ask what was going through her mind when she sent that message, all this isn't fair on my children and on her step child as our children were close and used to play all the time and it hurts that they don't get to see each other because of our issues, that I want to resolve I want to build bridges but she's not interested because her wife is against me and she's taking her wife's side she even told me she has her wife's back and not mine which again really hurts my feelings, I want my children to still be able to see their cousin but it's not easy and I don't know whether or not I should forgive my sister for the message she sent to my husband and telling me she won't have my back only her wife's."

Worried I'm Feeding My Baby Too Much

"My little boy is almost 8 months old and I’m worried I may be feeding him too much due to a comment made by my MIL 🙈 this is a rough guide of a day.
Wakes at 7am - 7oz bottle
9:30 - fruit pot
11:00 - 6oz bottle (does not always finish this as it’s around nap time and he dozes off)
12:30/ 12:45 - something to help with finger feeding himself such as lega or fruit
2pm - 6oz bottle
3:30 - dinner (usually a Heinz pouch but have been exploring our own the last 4 weeks)
5pm - 6oz bottle
6:30 - porridge
8pm - 7oz bottle for bed.
We started weaning and introducing foods at 4 months old as we got the go ahead off the PHN and he is loving all these new taste but I’m just second guessing myself now and should I cut back slightly?"
       Useful info: Should formula ever be frozen? 

Should we change the date of our baby shower?

"I’m pregnant with our fourth and my sister has asked if she can throw me a baby shower (I’m not too fussed but she’s super excited). I agreed but explained I would like to keep the party “small” meaning our closest family and closest friends.
She’s booked and planned based on mine and my husbands schedule (free weekend) and essentially those who I’ve invited are who I’d be comfortable with being there with such a fuss.
Anyway it turns out MIL is on holiday that weekend. However we’re more free the week before or after as we’re away. MIL has complained telling us to cancel our weekend away so she can attend the week after.
For background MIL doesn’t bother with us or our children unless it’s birthday or Christmas other than that she doesn’t really see the kids. Refuses to babysit, doesn’t take them for days out etc. she lives less than 5 minute away in the car. Then has a sense of entitlement when there’s a party or event.
Husband refused to change the date and she’s again saying we’re selfish. My sister now knows the gender and I’ve already got to wait 3 weeks to find out. Are we in the wrong when it’s only her from our guest list who can’t make it? I feel justified when she has so little involvement in our lives as it is?"
          Read more baby shower problems here
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