Love After Baby
Written by Gabrielle Hatten for her blog, The Unpretentious Mummy.
You can follow her on Facebook here!
Babies are wonderful, aren’t they? So wonderful in fact, it’s all too easy to get completely swept up in their perfection. Let’s all just admit something here: the minute our babies were born, they had us wrapped around their tiny little fingers!
I for one, was pretty obsessed. From the moment my daughter was put on me for skin to skin, I was done. I knew in that moment that my life was no longer mine, it belonged to her. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I just kept crying, smiling and studying every single inch of her tiny, perfect little face.
Funny story is, I still cry a lot. During the quiet and random times of our day, her utter perfection and the love I have for her is overwhelming and I can’t help but cry happy tears.
People probably get sick of me because I’m “that mom” who is always posting pictures and only talks about her baby. But how could I not when she is literally my life??
Now that we got all that mushiness out there, it’s time to get a bit serious.
As parents, once baby is born they are our world. But as mothers? It totally consumes us, especially breastfeeding mammas, because we are literally their life source. They need us 24/7!
Even more so for first time moms, it is all too easy for us to put our husbands on the back burner. They get neglected in all honesty.
Looking back at the hectic first days, I can see how hard it had to be for my hubbs. I remember finally being home from the hospital and trying to adjust to new life with baby, and there’d be times where I’d think “Wait, have we even kissed today? Or hugged? Or had any physical contact at all??” Days would go by without any of those things.
Now before you start feeling guilty or just feeling bad, that’s not what I’m trying to do! I’m just reflecting on my own situation in hopes that it will help some of you see things from a different perspective. And for those of you who haven’t had any kids yet, I hope this will be something that sticks with you, so when it’s your time you can learn from my mistakes.
Putting your marriage on the back burner will never bring anything good. Having a baby doesn’t mean forgetting your marriage. I know I’ve heard people say how important it is to “keep the flame alive” after baby but to be honest with you I brushed it off. I thought it was just one of those things people say, so cliche.
To me, it was a no brainer that things would be different and baby would take up all my time. Of course things change after having baby. Just deal with it.
What I didn’t realize was that I had let the flame that was the heart and soul of my marriage dwindle to a slightly glowing ember. Sure I was doing a pretty damn good job at being a mommy (if I do say so myself), but I was totally and utterly failing as a wife.
I’ve briefly talked about the importance of putting your marriage first, (you can check it out here) but I haven’t really dug into the why or how.
The simplest way I can put it is this: flirting matters! The cheesiness and lovey dovey-ness matters! Kisses, hugs, affection… it all matters! You may not think much of it but all those little things make a huge difference, and you will notice when they’re lacking!
Make the effort to give kisses when you wake up, before work, before you go to bed, whenever you can! Make the effort to flirt with your spouse. Don’t ever forget to tell them how good they look! Take the time to send them silly flirty messages during the day when they’re at work. Keep it simple and add some sticky notes with something you love about them or a short love note to stick with their lunch.
I promise you all of those little things add up to make a HUGE difference. But most importantly? PUT THE BABY DOWN. You need to have one on one time with your spouse. Put the baby in the bouncer and cuddle with JUST each other! Crazy right? It will do wonders, and boost the morale for everyone!
Much love as always!