Love Before vs. After a Baby…

Written by Amy Hignett for her blog, My Baby & Me.

You can follow her on Facebook and Instagram!

 


 

Now mammas, let’s be real, love before and after a baby is VERY different right?! All those carefree meals out, days out, drives out… the carelessness of doing whatever the f@#k you want without worrying about nappy changes, feeding times, bedtimes and routines.

I met Sam at just the age of 14. ‘Young Love’ they call it, or ‘childhood sweetheart’.

It’s quite cute really because he was literally just a friend. At that age I was NOT girly or into any of that or worrying about boys thinking I looked cute, I was very much my own person actually. Black eyeliner all over my eyes, weirdly short one side and longer on the other hair cut with a HUGE side fringe, I was into them huge baggy jeans and cringey ‘I love vampire’ jumpers. OMG, I’m just cringing remembering this. The girls I know and love very much will be killing themselves laughing if they read this but that was just me! For some reason, Sam obviously loved this weirdness about me! I guess he was my best friend… he knew everything about me and my life and still wanted to be with me. Never in a million years if someone told me on the 3rd October 2010 that just in 6/7 years time we would have a baby! I would have laughed because I used to say back then being so young ‘I’m never having kids ew!’.

But in those 6 years before Leo we laughed, argued, cried, we had some amazing times on holidays, we spent crazy amounts of money for each others birthdays and Christmas without a second thought! Endless cinema trips at any time of day! I would LOVE to add up how much money we’ve spent on food the last few years! We were young, carefree no responsibilities, loving life! You have all this time to just spend with each other and see each other and now I realise we didn’t respect it enough because it was all we knew! Sam is my first and only love, he was my world, my best friend… my soulmate really. We went through the biggest transitions like growing up, finishing high school, partying and getting drunk at parties, college, then both working full time, we made it through it ALL which many people don’t at that age with all the hormones, drinking, changing of friends and your personality shapes to your experiences.

We hit a difficult road in 2016 and I honestly felt no matter what happened we would get through it and I barely cried because I knew wholeheartedly we were meant to be together. There’s no way we could have gone through all those milestones and important things growing up and not make it now and *be ready to cringe* we MADE IT. LOVE found its way. We got through months of pain and confusion because it didn’t make sense to carry on, we loved each other! We had seen each other change so much. Sam saw me from being the weird kid I was and seen my transition through so many phases and he saw me become a mother, he saw me pregnant and grow our baby start to finish. I saw him go from a kid with long shaggy hair, to the amazing man he became to then being a dad.

The first moment I saw him hold Leo I knew those 6 years happened to get us to where we are now. Parents who love each other and our new family of 3. It was simply perfect!

For a while.

Then the sleep deprivation comes in and then your loving amazing boyfriend will become someone who you challenge (and secretly want to kill while he sleeps so peacefully while the baby screams in the night).

How much sleep have you had? Who got up last with the baby? Who fed the baby last? Who changed the shitty nappy last? Who set off the steriliser last?

It is so hard to find that teamwork usually and as much we did say these things a lot and we still argue who’s had the most sleep or more tired now but we just found the teamwork pretty easy! I lived at my mums when Leo was born so we only needed to focus on Leo and we smashed it. He was so helpful and even when he went back to work he helped all he could. Never played the ‘I’ve been at work’ card. Anything I ask he is there. But it became apparent very quickly those carefree days before becoming parents were lonnnnngggg gone! Vanished as if it never happened. The majority of our conversation was about Leo, babies, feeding cues, self consciousness.

All our attention was on Leo now not ourselves. All those disrupted lie-ins till noon were gone, those get up and go plans for a little lunch were gone because it was like going away for a mini break with all the stuff we had to take! All our money was carefully thought about because we had to provide for our son now. We were never alone. You don’t realise at first because it’s all new but as the weeks go on and get a little tougher you remember the life you used to have.

No, it isn’t just you two anymore. No, he isn’t just your boyfriend now, No, you can’t do what the f#@k you want now but I promise you seeing your man make your baby laugh till they’re breathless and excited is the most rewarding thing you will see, seeing your high school boyfriend become a man and father to your child is a love you can not explain!

Seeing him work all the time and still come home and love us both endlessly is just amazing. Seeing him work so hard and provide for his family. Sam is just one of a kind and we are super lucky to have him. Of course he is still a man and now we own and run our own house we face even more new challenges like the toilet seat being left up, his beard hair everywhere, his general untidiness drives me insane but once you’ve had a baby you have to accept others flaws and live with them because we all have them!

Love after a baby is hard, it requires more time, patience, compassion and a lot of hard work and listening and debates because at the end of the day you have to agree on how to raise this little human being that’s so new to you both! Which is where it makes or breaks some people. It is so important to be a family and a team but also to be a COUPLE again. Have a night where you focus on you two, do something romantic or do something silly to get that carefree feel back again! Love after a baby is better because it only gets bigger, deeper and more exciting!

Sam just keeps me grounded, keeps everything so real but loves me so much and he always has done before baby and even more so after baby. Even though your baby dad becomes your emotional punch bag and they get on your nerves so much the guy steps in when I’m sobbing over the cot because the baby won’t sleep, or sobbing into my over sized jumpers because being a mum gets to much. He takes over, takes my hand, heart and soul and just lets me know everything is okay it’s not that bad and helps me out in every way possible.

For many reasons we just work, we worked as kids and grown ups, then becoming parents transformed our relationship and we worked again but so differently. Maybe becoming Leo’s parents was always meant for us. I am a believer in fate and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it is so easy forget from everyone’s perspectives that it is a HUGE change for the guys life too, no they don’t do the hardest bit of pregnancy and birth but it is still their child too, they also loose, their lives also change, they feel many emotions they didn’t know possible either. They have a big responsibility to provide the best they can and do their best just like us mamas!

If you’re feeling a little weird about your partner post baby don’t worry! You’re going through so much together and you have become a new woman and you’ve become a mum. Be honest, communicate everything you’re feeling to him, lay all your struggles on him, he is still the man you love – things are just a little different now. He is your partner and you are going through all these changes together! Love after a baby is very very different to pre-baby, but in many ways it is so much better, so much more rewarding and amazing. You get to celebrate your love for each other by waking up to your baby together every day! You get to raise them with both the qualities you love so much about each other. The shit times are so hard but the great times are worth it and even better. So don’t give up in the hard times sometimes pushing through them even when it feels impossible is worth it, hard… so very hard but worth it if you love each other!

I hope you connected with this post. Try not to kill your partners when they’re having a lovely sleep and you’re up with baba all night! Lol! Please let me know if you did connect!

Much love
Amy xx