Written by Bethany Dempsey for her Facebook blog, BD Blogs!
Terrible what nows?
I’ve decided we all need to be slightly more specific about these TERRIBLE TWOS.
Firstly if you Google terrible twos, one of the options as you’re typing are ‘terrible twos early‘ and let me explain to you why… Because terrible twos are actually FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS EIGHTEEN MONTHS. That’s right….. It begins at one and a half, so I’ve learnt.
It seems my alcohol cupboard hasn’t really took a bashing since Oscar was about 4 months, Now… My coffee doesn’t taste right if there’s more coffee than baileys in it.
If you’re not sure if your toddler is going through it… Here’s what to look for:
- BEING AN ASS HOLE.
Here’s my tips for outrageous 18 months.
- Get yourself a full cupboard – be it hardcore drugs, alcohol or chocolate – nobodies judging.
2. BRIBE SWEETS. Yes I know we’ve been sticking to organix baby crisps.. But now… NOW IS THE TIME FOR MILKY BUTTONS OR FREDDOS.
3. A FULL TIME JOB.. That’s right, get yourself a full time job to ‘provide and earn a better life for your family‘ and of course… a Guilt free full time nursery place.
4.Gget your loud voice on for the public tantrums… For example.. ‘OSCAR YOUR MOMMY IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY WHEN I TELL HER HOW NAUGHTY YOU’VE BEEN TODAY’.
5) And last… But most definitely not least, practice flicking the Vs at yourself in the mirror, you’re gonna need that for every huffing puffing tutting judgemental twat that lays eyes on you whilst your child flaps around on the floor like a fish out of water.