You’ve probably heard of the ‘terrible twos’, but what about ‘twonagers’?
Yeah, that’s right, twonagers. I feel that this is a far more fitting adage to the stage that our toddlers go through at around this age… Foot stamping, door slamming, screaming ‘no’. Demanding pizza, running off, frantic dancing to loud music, the same song on repeat.
Teenagers, two year olds… They have a surprising amount in common! The newfound attitude (or increased amounts if your child has always been a sass bag), the tempestuous outbursts out of nowhere, the sudden urge to do things THEIR way. Yup. Same phase, different age.
My son is very much the epitome of a ‘twonager’ at the moment, and I love it. He isn’t ‘terrible’, despite the numerous moments of tantruming and teenage behaviour; he’s hilarious, sassy, dramatic, flamboyant and soaking up the world around him so fast. It’s amazing to watch, I relish every single moment of it – even the less fun moments.
If you have a child running rings around you with their sassy new attitude, this might make you feel a bit more optimistic and help you to take joy… Here’s how Sunday went for my twonager – written from his perspective, with artistic licence.
Breakfast With a Twonager
No mummy, I don’t want my breakfast, I know it’s something I’ve eaten before and like but I can’t be arsed with it today! Oooh, you’re eating halloumi? I’ll have that, thanks. You can have my sausage sandwich. Cheers!
Mummy, you should know by now that if there’s something you REALLY want, I’m going to eat at least half of it. Your smoked salmon last week was delicious, you really think I’m going to want weetabix after tasting that? Pah!
Getting Dressed For The Day…
Look, I know my clothes have only been on an hour and are perfectly clean BUT this pretty green top and these smart grey socks are better. I DEMAND that you let me get changed. Otherwise, I’ll throw the clothes down the stairs and do a dirty protest. I mean it, mother!
I’ve brushed my hair, by the way – look, I’ve even dipped my hairbrush into milk and combed it through my hair, doesn’t it look AWESOME!? No? Well, maybe you should actually buy me this thing called hair gel! Duh.
Turn the music down?! Noooooo. Go away. No. I’ll have Dava & Ava on full blast! I’m going back to my playroom now, and I WILL slam the door in a rage, you just watch me! I’m missing the colour song thanks to you and daddy!
Playing With Toys
Erm… what do you mean, ‘tidy up’? No, thank you. I’ll continue to empty out my toy box, every single toy drawer, the toy bucket and my changing bag if I bloody well want to. What do you mean, stop stamping my feet? Shut up. SHUT UP. GO AWAY. RAAAGHR! Let me play on my bouncy llama in peace, woman!
If you’re going to MAKE me eat fruit, mother, you can be certain that I’m going to make it fun. Woooo, I’m an elephant! You’ll need a cloth, I’ve trodden the other half into the floor, soz.
Going Out For The Day
RAAAAAAAGE. I don’t WANT to go out. No daddy, you’re not putting your shoes on, you’re not going out. AGHRRR!
(5 minutes later…)
Where are my shoes? Where are my SHOES? WHERE? ARE? MY? SHOES? I’ll continue shouting until my shoes are on! Car! Car! Car! CAR! DADDY CAR! So, where are we going, guys?
Out and About With The Twonager
What on earth do you mean, walk? What is walking? YOU CAN’T MAKE ME. Urghhhhh, I HATE you. I can’t be arsed, seriously. I just want to sit back with my juice for crying out loud.
(5 minutes later at the cafe…)
Oh, okay, this isn’t too bad. Worth the tantrum.
Dinner Time With The Twonager
I mean… I know I ate this exact same dinner last week, but you know what? I don’t like it anymore. I don’t know why, but screw your 10 hour slow cooked lamb leg, creamy mash and veg. I want crisps. Maybe some scotch eggs too? Eh, what do you mean I can’t leave the table until I’ve eaten this crap? YOU’RE MEAN. I’m going to my room, URGH!
Oh, you’re ordering a takeaway instead…? You’re forgiven! You are the BEST parents ever, honestly.
Bed Time With The Twonager
I want the tablet on, I NEED to catch up on the latest Dave and Ava video, oh and we can’t forget the car videos too. I won’t sleep unless I can have the tablet on. I mean it, you’ll regret taking it out of my room! I’ll wake you at 4am for that, you monster.
(He did wake us up at 4 am. Not fun.)
So, if your little ‘twonager’ is running rings around you and surprising you with their dramatic new attitude, you’re not alone. Enjoy the sass, and try to see the funny side of things (in between tidying up piles of mess and placating tantrums…).
Love from Katie! Xx