Written by Bethany Dempsey for her Facebook blog, BD Blogs!
Are YOU ready for potty training?
So, you’ve decided it’s time to potty train… Personally one of my favourite milestones. But… Are you ready?
How’s your patience right now; do you think you could handle your child telling you they don’t need the potty 24 times in 2 minutes before pissing on the one bloody rug you forgot to move?
If yes… Could you handle this ten times in the hour??
If you answered “Yes” to 10 pisses on your rug in an hour… You’re ready!
…And a fucking nutcase!
You need to be ready to be surprised- because although you may be filled with doubt, your child may pick it up fast and do their business on the potty… What a lovely, glorious surprise!
Or you may get the other kind of surprise, the kind where you find a shit on the sofa. Beggars can’t be choosers now.
For encouragement, you definitely need gifts; may it be trips to the soft play, or chocolate… any type of bribery is a good start! Also, your child will more than likely reward you with gifts themselves, like a full shit in their hands… “To give to you, Mommy”. BE GRATEFUL NOW, LADIES.
Last, but not least, children are unpredictable.
You might think 6 years into potty training that they are fully toilet trained. However, like the rug situation, sometimes they like to surprise you… out in public…! Ta-dah… Shit in the pants! (Always take spare pants…. Even for your 12 year old. Nobody wants a suprise like that in Sainsbury’s.)
So are you ready?
Good luck… may the odds be ever in your favour.
Be sure not to mistake any poops for Freddos.
Edited by Rebecca Wright.