Most women spend their last few weeks/days of pregnancy maybe with an inkling that something is going to happen, but not really knowing and living in a current state of suspense, and to some extent this is something I will always envy.
Because I have never had that, both of my labours were scheduled inductions. Whilst this is nice in the sense that I know when we will have to go into Hospital, can plan our life around it and can count down the days, it is also a double edged sword for many reasons.
I had hoped that with this second pregnancy I would get to experience the not knowing of natural labour, The ‘I could go any day now’ feeling and getting to experience the moment where you realise it’s time to meet your baby! Sadly, due to our baby being below the 5th growth centile, I was told it would be safer for the baby if I had a scheduled induction with continuous monitoring. Of course all along I hoped I would go into spontaneous labour in the week before, something that is still a very real possibility, but once the paper work was signed this week, the countdown begun.
I suppose all throughout this pregnancy I knew there would come a time where it would be the last few days of just us three. Despite there being four of us for quite a while, there was no real difference than prior to the pregnancy. Aria had all of our attention and she was the sole focus of every day. What I didn’t anticipate was how much this would hit me in these precious last days. I plan on doing a separate post on this in the near future, but it has certainly been a massive part of my daily emotions this week. The countdown is not only until we meet bump, but also until Aria’s last day as a true only child and in a way it saddens me. Unlike in a spontaneous labour, where you know it will happen but aren’t sure exactly, I know when that last night will be and whilst I can make the most of it, in a way I would prefer not to know! As they say ignorance is bliss!
In addition to this, the countdown also means that I know when my last day of pregnancy will be. And yes, whilst pregnancy is hard, exhausting, sometimes unpleasant and painful, it is amazing and there are no words to explain that precious private bond between a mother and her unborn baby. Every nudge, kick, roll, it’s all between you and your baby. Nobody else can feel it or have that same closeness. Yet when your baby is born suddenly they are exposed to the world and everyone in it, and they are no longer safely cocooned in your womb. Suddenly you have to battle off hoards of well wishers, admirers and people who just can’t wait to get their hands on your baby. I know after Aria was born, I missed pregnancy a great more than I thought I ever would. I Missed those little kicks and making sure she was ok. I missed having her safely tucked away where only I could affect her, and it is certainly something I will miss with bump when they arrive.
Having said that, the end of pregnancy is a rollercoaster for the emotions, because whilst I am sad about these things, there are so many things that I’m excited for! I can’t wait to go through the birthing process again, hopefully a lot more positively than with Aria, and get to meet our second baby, finally face to face. I definitely can’t wait for that newborn smell, the cuddles and all the joys that come with a new baby in the house!
One of the things I’m most excited about is seeing Aria flourish as a big sister, I just know she is going to be great and will love finally having a friend to play with (and poke!).
Knowing when bump will arrive is also great for nesting! I can plan and organise to my hearts content, working to a deadline to get everything prepared, meaning we can hit the ground running once we get home. No surprises or not having everything we need. Of course, part of this comes with no longer being first time parents, but I’m sure bump will throw us some curve balls to test our experience! In addition to planning the house, it means we have been able to make sure Aria is taken care of in a way that will keep her the happiest. She is to go on a day out with my parents to a local farm, where she can screech at animals and play until her little heart is content. Being her first real full day away from us, and the potential of it extending over night, it’s a big deal. It makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I hope that with the ability to plan we can make sure it goes as smoothly as possible for her. Along with the hope that my labour will be as fast as Arias, 1.5 hours, and I’ll be home in time for dinner and bed with Aria as well as bump!! Of course this is one thing we can’t plan, but I can hope!
Lastly, becoming a mother the first time changed my life completely, and I’m so excited to see where it takes me the second time around. Every birth is a rebirth for the mother also. The changes experienced are not to be underestimated, as I described in my previous article! There is no telling what will change or how I will develop, but I know it will all be for the best and I am eager to start my journey along the next fork in my path.
So this week is full of ups and downs as the number of days until we meet bump get smaller. I think little is said about the emotions women go through in the lead up to birth. Things get a little real as you realise there will be a new little person in your life very shortly! Sure you carried them for 8/9 months. But it’s not the same as having them out in the world with you! As with all aspects of parenting we face a true array of emotions, and a planned birth is no exception to this! All I know is that no matter what happens, I will treasure each of these last days with Aria and bump, yet eagerly await bumps arrival and do all I can to prepare the family for next Tuesday!
Keep your eyes peeled on our social media accounts for the birth announcement! I hope to get back to regular blogs soon once our WiFi is finally sorted! Fingers crossed it will be next week!
Let me know how you felt in the run up to labour below. I’d love to hear everyone’s stories!