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Leave Our Bumps Alone!

by Bump, Baby & You

Disclaimer: if you don’t like profane language, this won’t be your cup of tea.

If you’re not easily offended then fair enough, however, from talking to lots of other mums, this is a topic which gets people’s back up.

What NOT to say about the size of a baby bump…


It ain’t funny.

It ain’t cute.

It ain’t a good ice breaker in the queue for the checkouts… passing in the street… anywhere, really.

“OOOOH, the size of you!! Twins, surely?!”

Look at it this way; pregnant women are hormonal, tired and often aching, our bodies change so much during pregnancy that very often, pregnant women become insecure and unhappy with their new figures…

(Except those who love their mum bod, just to avoid making a generalisation!)

Unless you’re commenting to tell us we look gorgeous and glowing, like Mother Gaia herself has manifested in the fucking flesh, that we look like a goddamn QUEEN… please, just don’t comment.

Asking if we are expecting multiples or telling us how big we are can make some preggo mums laugh, can make some feel happy that they actually look pregnant, but what about the mums who are really fed up by it?

Would you make remarks about a woman’s appearance if she wasn’t pregnant? Likely not, unless you’re a rude and tactless bastard.

Sooooo what is it about a baby bump that seems to give people the automatic assumption that they are welcome to comment on how we look?!

Even worse – people sometimes stop pregnant women in the street and find it appropriate to grab their bloody bumps! No. NOOOOO. This – do not do this.

No, perfect stranger. Do not touch me. Shoo. Piss off!

GRANTED: it can be different when its friends or family… still irritating, but not knowing the person who is invading your personal space and making comments on your personal appearance can be extremely unsettling.

This aside, even if you’re familiar and friendly with a pregnant lady, it’s best to play it safe and leave that bump alone unless mama is ok with you having a grope…

What NOT to say about the size of a bump…

Common sense usually dictates what is appropriate/inappropriate to say to a woman going through one of the biggest and most pivotal experiences of her entire existence..

However, here’s a few examples put forth to me by the mummies in our private group…


“You’re huge!”

“Are there twins/triplets in there?”

“Are you even pregnant? That bump is tiny!”

“You do realise you’re not actually supposed to eat for two…?”

“You sure you’re not about to drop?”

“You’re gonna give your baby diabetes!”

“Pretty sure that ain’t a bump.”

“I swear you were recently pregnant…?”

“Corr, those stretchmarks!”

“That ain’t a bump, it’s just fat.”

“You’re the size of a whale!”


Remember, this is all completely subjective. Different folks, different strokes. We all have different senses of humour.

The issue is however that if you don’t know someone well enough or at all, you cannot effectively gauge how they’ll react.

They might laugh. They might scowl. They might sob.

Just don’t risk it; you’ll make yourself look a fool, plus pissing off a pregnant mama is a BAD idea.


It’s not appropriate to comment on a pregnant woman’s body – especially if you’re just assuming she’s pregnant, there can be nothing worse than asking a woman when she’s due only to be met with a mortified expression and a cry of ‘I’m not even pregnant!’

Unless you’re the woman’s midwife, with a measuring tape and her notes to chart her fundal measurement, keep your fucking comments about the size of her bump to yourself.

Some of you will probably roll your eyes and tell me and the other ladies who contributed to this blog to lighten up and take a joke but generally, its inappropriate to make remarks about peoples appearances, so why is this suddenly acceptable when sperm meets egg…?

Leave our bumps alone.

Thanks for reading my rant. I hope that you could relate to this somewhat! Please feel free to leave a comment if you’ve been through bump shaming yourself.

Love from Katie. xx


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