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by Amber Collins

An Ode To The Overwhelmed Parent Carers

An ode to the overwhelmed parent carers

I wish I didn’t have to think about anything else
I wish my brain wasn’t so full up
I wish my head didn’t constant buzz with to-do lists, put that down and try to be
ten steps ahead
I wish I didn’t feel guilty all the time
I wish I didn’t have to do or think about anything else other than being a parent
I wish I had a village
I wish I could switch my brain off and take a break without guilt
I wish I didn’t feel like I was failing on all cylinders
I wish I could fulfil my full potential
I wish I could just focus on one thing at a time without being ricocheted to the
next distraction or interruption
I wish my house wasn’t a constant wreck
I wish I didn’t constantly have dread in the pit of my stomach
I wish I wasn’t so tired and wired all at once
I wish I could just enjoy my child without having to worry about the growing to-do
I wish I hadn’t started any of this
I wish I could just be a stay-at-home mum and that be enough for me, but I know
even if I was, I’d feel unfulfilled, and fill the time with something else
And then there’s the guilt
How dare I feel like that
When I’ve begged and pleaded for the perfect little boy and here, he is
In all his wildness, messiness, and innocence
“Mummy, mummy, mummy”
I never dreamed I’d even hear those words so clearly
And now I take it for granted and snap “what!!” After the 20th “mummy” in a row
I wish the life I had was just enough for me
I wish I could give it all up, turn my phone off and throw it in a river
And maybe I will
But then who would I speak to
These fragile connections are all I have
Because I’m such hard work to be around people tire of me eventually
Because I’m so constantly overwhelmed, I can barely hold a conversation
Constantly trying to keep things together
All hanging by a thread
Because I’m so overwhelmed

Written by Amber Collins - you can follow her on Instagram here!

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Amber Collins is an Autistic and ADHD mum, podcast host, content creator and social media manager. After her own son’s diagnosis, she is on a mission to bring Neurodiversity to the mainstream, as well as normalising the trials and tribulations of motherhood, and her own journey to accepting herself as she is. Listen to the podcast How to Live Authentically Autistic here  And follow her here @itsambercollins_
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