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AITA: Asked Cousin To Pay For Sons Birthday Cake

It's common for some children to feel slightly jealous when it's another childs birthday and they have all the attention on them.

One child couldn't quite handle it at his cousins birthday party. His cousins Mum took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole) board, read the post below:

"We recently threw my 5 year-old a birthday party. He hasn’t had a real birthday party since he was 2 years old due to Covid, so this was the first one he’d actually remember. We wanted to make it special so we invited all our closest friends, family members and their kids.

One of my cousins, a single mom, has a very unruly 6 year-old. He is loud, disobedient, and a nightmare in public. When it came time to blow out the candles and cut the birthday cake, he came and stood directly next to my son. I anticipated what was going to happen next and asked my husband to stand behind this kid in case he tried to pull anything.

After we sang, this kid kept trying to blow out the candles. My husband kept blocking him and pulling him back and we could tell the kid was getting frustrated. Eventually my son blew out the candles and the kid absolutely lost it. He threw a tantrum and slammed his entire arm into the cake, knocking it into the table. It was so awkward, everyone gasped and got quiet. My son looked up at us and I could tell he was about to start crying. In an effort to not cause a bigger scene, my husband picked him up and whispered to him that we had another special cake just for him (we didn’t) and he seemed to calm down.

Meanwhile, his cousin was still standing there screaming and crying, his arm covered in cake. His mom was nowhere to be seen. I walked him over to the sink and washed him off and quietly told him that he shouldn’t have done that to the cake and that he should apologize to his cousin for what he did. He screamed “NO!” in my face and then ran away.

My husband ended up running out to buy a sheet cake that we cut and served to everyone. I spoke to my cousin after the party about what happened since she wasn’t in the room, and she brushed it off saying “kids will be kids”. I completely disagree. I’ve been to plenty of birthday parties where the other kids let the birthday boy/girl have their moment. I suggested she pay for the ruined cake and she looked at me like I was crazy.

I told her how important it was to us that this birthday be special to my son since it would be the first one he remembered, and now all he would remember was that his cousin ruined his special moment. She got extremely defensive and refused to pay for anything. She then accused me of acting like “the perfect mom” and began to list the ways in which I was in fact NOT perfect. It was a hurtful conversation and we haven’t spoken since.

I sent her the bill for the ruined cake and she has not paid us. I actually feel she should pay for both cakes since her kid is the reason we had to get a new one, but I didn’t go that far. My husband thinks she’ll never pay us and that I should drop the issue at this point. He says that since she’s a single mom it’s probably hard on her and we should cut them both some slack. I understand that, but I feel like that’s just letting her and her son off the hook and this will lead to even bigger problems in the future if we don’t hold them accountable.

AITA here?"


What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One comment said:


 You're not getting that money honey, swallow that pill now.

What I would suggest is moving on, and going forward excluding her and her child from things you do that he may ruin.

You are not wrong for wanting a special moment for your child, everyone wants their birthday to be special. I hope you don't feel any guilt over this. And while your husband is kind and well intentioned, growing up with a single mother is no excuse for this behavior and being a single mother is no excuse for not teach your child how to behave."

While another commented: 

"NTA and they wouldn't be invited back over. It's one thing for a kid to act out. It's another for the parent to not take responsibility for their kid's actions."

Our verdict...

We can totally appreciate the fact that some children get jealous at birthdays. However, lashing out like this on his cousins birthday cake is not on. We think the childs Mum should definitely take responsibility of her childs actions and paid for the cake. Throwing a birthday party these days isn't cheap, even when you have it at home.

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