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It's a universally accepted fact that the host can invite whomever they want to their party - but this never fails to cause offence.
Often, the barring of young children from events such as weddings and baby showers is the root cause of fallouts, but they're usually not welcome at these places for a good reason. One expectant mum, tired of her friend's errant toddler, has told the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board that she doesn't want the child (or other young kids) at her baby shower as it simply will not be suitable, and she doesn't feel comfortable with how her friend fails to redirect and correct her little one when she pushes boundaries. However, she's worried about the response she'll get!
Read the main post below...
"My best friend for 15 years has only one child who is 2 years old. I would call that toddler a wild child. She does not discipline her toddler when they do something wrong nor watch them to make sure they don’t get into something that they shouldn’t . I am letting other people bring their children because they behave very well. I am spending a lot of money on the baby shower and it is at a venue. There will be a lot of decorations that the toddler will be tempted to play with. For example, standing balloons with LED lights and a full underwater photo booth backdrop with floating fishes and giant seashell etc. At my wedding, the child broke 7 rental decorations I had to pay for. I do not want decorations to get ruined at the baby shower. My best friend is also a single mother, so I know it will not be easy for her to find a sitter. I don’t not want to not invite her, but if I do, I don’t want her toddler there.
Edited: The children who will be in the baby shower are 10+ years old."
Find the main thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The readers of Reddit assured the mama-to-be that she's NTA (Not The Asshole) and wouldn't be an asshole for putting this rule in place - the top rated comment said; "NTA Just let all guests know children must be 10+ to attend. If she asks, let her know this is your shower and small children will distract from the events at hand, baby showers aren't really a place for the littles. If she presses, give it to her straight her kids a tornado." We think that this would be a very diplomatic and reasonable approach, as she'll also potentially avoid an awkward conversation if the friend accept that it's for all toddlers, not just hers. However, how likely is it that she will take it personally? One of our favourite comments broke the situation down perfectly and gave some fab advice;
"NTA since the other children will be much older. But the way you communicate that is critical, and I do think it is worth considering the how important this friendship is compared to how important having these decorations is. There is a very significant chance your friend will take this personally and be quite hurt by your choice. And that wouldn’t be unreasonable of her. Your decision isn’t unreasonable either, but I would consider if the fall out is really worth it to you.
If you are committed to your choice. I would definitely voice it as a safety concern, rather than a behavioral one. “The decorations and venue aren’t childproof/safe, and I would be worried about your little one having some kind of accident”."
Our verdict...
We think that the poster is absolutely within her rights to request that no small children attend her baby shower - safety concerns are tantamount, and who wants to be worried about keeping an eye on boisterous children with no concept of safety or volume control at what is supposed to be one of the most memorable events of your life?
As for her comments about her friend's parenting of the toddler, we took that with a pinch of salt as we know how toddlers can be, and when the poster's unborn baby becomes a toddler, she might get an idea of how stubborn, screamy and oppositional a two year old can be even with constant redirection. It may even be that the poster simply doesn't personally witness discipline that does happen, so we're not taking it at face value that her friend doesn't proactively parent the toddler in question. However, it's irrelevant, as this toddler could be the most well behaved little angel in the world and the poster would STILL not be the asshole for barring small children from an event that is simply not child-friendly.
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