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As adults, most of us know it's very important and sensible to have strict boundaries with children we do not know.
This is for multiple reasons - not only do we not want to be seen to be undermining a parent by getting involved, but also, there are some worrisome and unsavoury characters out there. Imagine how mortified you'd feel if a parent pointed the finger at you and accused you of being dodgy because you stepped in and got involved with their child! It's incredibly awkward, and can make it very hard to take action when we can sense danger afoot...
One Reddit user has taken to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to question if they're in the wrong for not stopping an errant toddler from making a beeline for a pool. They didn't know the child, or the parents, and they didn't know what course of action to take in the moment, much to the fury of the party host.
Read the post below...
"Hello
So today I (22m) was at a house/pool party at my cousin's house (restrictions are being lifted here) I didn't know a ton of people there, so I was mostly just drinking soda, people watching, and spending time on my phone lol.
At one point, a kid (1.5ish) toddled past me and headed straight for the pool. I didn't know the kid, nor was I sure if "their adult" was around. I was lounging and he walked past me about three feet away, so not within grabbing distance unless I got up.
I watched as the kid got closer to the pool, and when I realized he wasn't going to stop, I sat up and started saying "uhhh" pretty loud. Before anyone heard me though, he fell into the pool and the pretty loud splash alerted his dad, who quickly jumped in after him.
The kid was fine, just a little spooked, but my cousin screamed at me for not stopping him, when I had seen the kid go past.
But 1. I don't know the kid 2. Wasn't close enough to grab him without getting up 3. I started saying something to alert other people 4. His parents should've kept a closer eye on him
My cousin eventually just asked me to leave, and her fam is mad at me.
Tl:Dr - I watched an unknown toddler head for a pool and didn't grab him
AITA?"
Find the main thread here on Reddit.
Most adults know the risks of toddlers around water, but what do you think about the poster and their actions - or lack thereof?
What was the general consensus?
The poster was overwhelmingly voted NTA (Not The Asshole) by the readers of Reddit. The complexity of the situation was noted in multiple comments, but overall, the young man who posted was given the benefit of the doubt because he simply did not know what to do! The top rated comment said;
"Tough one, but probably NAH because it sounds like you have no experience with kids, and didn’t really know what the situation was: was parent in the pool? Was parenting watching? Was the kid going to jump into the pool?
It’s easy to blame you in retrospect, but I’m sure it all happened in an instant and you just didn’t know what to do. Not like you thought, “I think that kid is going to drown, nah, not my problem, I’m sure some else has it.” I imagine it was like, “hey, there’s a kid heading towards the pool, where’s his parent, is he ok—AHHH. Oh shit!” And now you’ll know next time to be more proactive.
Eta: changed to NAH because I can see where others were ticked that you didn’t say anything. Especially people with experience with kids. And pools."
Our verdict...
We'd be lying if we didn't jump in assuming that the poster was the asshole for not getting up and stepping in at first, but after reading his post, considering the situation, and reading the comments, we're pretty sure he's not an asshole either. He's young, inexperienced, other adults were around, and he didn't know the right course of action to take with a strangers child. Would we have taken evasive action? Absolutely, but we're experienced parents, we know how to analyse the situation. Worries about being accused of undermining a parent and getting involved would be very much a valid concern, especially if the little one was indeed being watched properly. Even worse potential accusations such as being a child predator would be another worry at the back of the mind of many people.
Fundamentally, in the moment, all of this swirled around in his head and he froze. There were other adults around, he did manage to make a loud sound of alarm when frozen like a deer in the headlights, and... he's not in any way responsible for the toddler. We have no doubt that, had the dad not dived in, the poster would absolutely have taken action to save the toddler. He's not a bad person, and it was unfair for him to be berated. Although, his tone about 'having to get up' does seem a bit immature, if he'd used this reason when explaining why he didn't step in, perhaps we can't blame his cousin for being mad.
We won't go as far as blaming the dad for taking his eyes off his toddler - we've all been there, you'd be lying if you said you hadn't - but by a deep swimming pool? That's certainly a concern and we hope that daddy has learned a valuable lesson here. We know that the poster will have, and it'll be useful experience for him in future around children and bodies of water! Next time, poster, just stop the toddler, don't worry.
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