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The topic of baby changing facilities sometimes overlapping with disabled toilet facilities is something we've seen a few times.
How do we deal with situations where changing our baby's nappy may clash with the use of a disability accessible toilet? In the UK, quite often the baby changing table - if there is one - is located in the accessible toilet. Too often, there's no baby changing table, with there being no space to change a baby on a blanket or floor mat anywhere other than the floor... with the disabled toilet being the most private and spacious. However, this raises a lot of questions and anxiety in people who really don't want to cause a bother and inconvenience any disabled person needing to use the toilet.
One mum took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's in the wrong for refusing to use a poo-smeared, filthy baby changing table in a public bathroom, preferring to change her son on a mat on the floor quickly in the disabled toilet as it was far cleaner. She was then verbally abused by a disabled person who was unhappy with her actions.
Read the post below...
"I (21F) have a 4 month old baby and I took him to the store yesterday (he’s a very calm baby, never really cries much so I don’t feel too bad about going on shopping trips with him) — he ended up needing changed while we were there, so I took him into the closest bathroom. I opened up the changing table and it was genuinely disgusting. I’m pretty sure there was baby poop on it!! I couldn’t even tell what else was on it.
I have a diaper bag that turns into a portable changing table in the back section and it’s pretty easy and quick to set up, so I went into the accessible stall and changed him as quickly as I could.
As we were leaving the restroom, an older woman approaches us and very rudely tells me not to use the accessible restroom to change a baby ever, and that because I used it she had to use a regular stall and those make her legs hurt. I said I was sorry and she called me an a-hole and told me I needed to learn common sense.
My husband agrees with me, but I told a friend about this and she told me I was a jerk. I just don’t know.
Edit 1: replaced “handicapped” with “accessible” !!"
Find the main thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
Mum was voted NTA - not the asshole - by the readers of reddit - with the top rated comment stating; "NTA. She chose to use a regular stall instead of waiting and choose to berate you in public. Even if someone needs an accessible stall, so do others and would she have berated someone that didn’t look disabled enough?"
Another comment pointed out; "NTA. Moms get entirely too much judgment. No matter what you do, someone is going to jusge you. It sucks and I'm sorry. As for your post:
I wouldn't have used that changing table either. I'm not sure those things ever get cleaned, and that's just gross. I kinda wish I'd had your diaper bag. Handicapped stalls aren't like handicapped parking spaces. They're available to whomever on a first come, first served basis."
Our verdict...
We did wonder, if the changing bag turns into a portable changing table, why couldn't mum have done this in a corner in the main non-disabled toilets? Then we realised, there's just not enough information, so we can only gather that perhaps there just wasn't enough space to make it logistically feasible.
We think that mum is absolutely NTA here, as it would have put the health of her baby at risk - and for all the other toilet user knew, the poster could have an invisible condition herself! So many people in our community who have invisible disabilities - IBD, arthritis, neurodivergence, Ehlers Danlos Syndrome to name a few - have been verbally attacked in public for using disabled facilities so this is something close to our hearts.
That aside, it's not ok to use specific facilities if you're not disabled, that goes without saying (unless the baby changing facilities are also in the disabled toilet). However, this was a disabled accessible bathroom - where does it say disabled only? It simply doesn't. For the hygiene concern reasons, and for the sake of three minutes, we can empathise and we think that mum used common sense. She didn't deserve to be berated, but in future, perhaps a word with a member of staff to spray down the changing table so it can be used would be a better way forward, as the nappy change could have waited a couple of minutes surely and would then avoid any potential aggro from others - as unjustified as the abuse was.
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