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Living next door to a new baby can at times be a little noisy - many of us can relate!
Neighbourly noise is just part and parcel of not living a mile away from the nearest human being, it's life, especially for those of us in terraced or semi detached properties, but at what point do we draw the line at acceptable noise levels and disturbances - especially if it's involuntary noise from a baby?
Due to how they're built, the typical age of rows of terraced houses, and lack of soundproofing often a problem, many people who live in a terraced property will agree that at times they can hear a bit more than they'd like, especially if they're central and have properties on both sides, potentially with attic space not fully bricked off too.
We usually look at stories from the angle of the parent, but we were interested to see this post on Reddit from a non-parent asking if they're in the wrong for asking their next door neighbour to consider moving their crying baby to a different part of the house.
Read the post below...
"So I 28f live in a terrace house, which is pretty typical here in the UK. Next door was initially empty when I moved in due to some work that was going on but about 6 weeks ago a couple moved in with their baby. I say hi in passing to them and exchanged a few pleasantries with them but for the most part it’s a polite neighbour relationship, we aren’t friends.
I live alone and am a quiet neighbour, however next door aren’t. I hear everything! I don’t know what the owners did when they were renovating but there is no sound insulation at all, I don’t hear conversations at a normal level but that’s it. It’s terrace housing and I accept you will hear some things but it’s crazy how much I can hear. I don’t hear anything from my neighbour on the other side of me aside from the front door when I’m in my front room.
Onto the issue. The baby, because it’s a baby cries a lot, but it’s nearly constantly crying and sometimes scream crying nearly all day. And I mean all day! I put up with this most of the time and wear headphones a-lot, aside from that I work 2 days a week from home (which they know as I have taken in packages for them) and my job requires me to be on the phone nearly all the time, in zoom meetings etc. I work in the back bedroom upstairs as it’s the only room I don’t get any road noise in, which by the sounds of it is also the baby’s room on the other side of the wall. It cries so loudly I can hear it like it’s in the room with me, and clients and colleagues can hear it crying though my headphones and I’m getting lots of comments from people about it. It’s also very distracting for me to try and work with.
Yesterday after work I knocked on the door to explain what was happening and asked if it was at all possible that if the baby can’t be calmed down to move them to a different room for a bit, because of the noise etc. I was very polite about it and apologetic. Well the mother exploded at me, swore at me, called me entitled and selfish and that I had no idea what it was like to be a mother and how hard it was, and she said she left the baby upstairs so she could go down and have a break from it’s crying. Then slammed the door in my face.
I feel really conflicted on this, because I know babies cry, I know they are difficult to settle and I imagine with all they crying they are really tired. But I make little to no noise as their neighbour and it’s affecting my concentration work, and people are commenting on it and not in a good way! Was I TA for asking?
Edit: I only work 2 days a week because I am also at university, so I don’t have an office to go into the rest of the time. The job is strictly work from home. I also can’t do the job anywhere else because I work in a section of banking, I have to have a wired connection to the internet at all times, no WiFi. And the conversations that I have are sensitive and private so they can’t be done elsewhere like Starbucks or a library like some recommended.
I am not complaining about the baby crying in general. As I said in the post I know they cry! I’m not complaining about being woken up early on weekends, in the evening when trying to cook or relax, or being disturbed whilst studying, which I am. This is specifically about the 2 days I am working from home. Looks like I’m investing in an expensive pair of noise cancelling headphones with a push to talk button.
Edit 2:
As it keeps coming up - I own they rent. These are terrace houses not and apartment complex. No I can’t afford to buy a detached house, a girl can dream!
The dad came round this evening, he apologised for his fiancé yelling and swearing at me, apparently she is struggling with PPD and it’s a difficult time for her. As a lot of others suggested the baby has colic. Long story short I explained to him I wasn’t asking them to stop the baby crying, just if there was anything that could be done on the days I was wfh etc.
He said it couldn’t be that bad, I offered for him to come in and hear what it was like, the baby was upstairs crying again and we were downstairs and it was still very loud. He was surprised it was that loud, they genuinely didn’t realise the sound was coming through like that. He apologised for the noise, but both agreed nothing could be done about the crying. He said he would talk to his fiancé about having the baby in a different room when I’m wfh but didn’t know if anything would come from it.
Turns out we are both fans of Rise Against so at least we have some common ground now. As good an outcome as I could hope for I suppose."
Find the original post here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole) by thousands of readers, many of whom expressed their sympathy for the poster, as well as being reasonable and adding that they felt bad for the new parents too, especially with the new mum suffering with PPD. However, some of the most highly rated comments pointed out that whilst the neighbours absolutely deserve some sympathy as new parenthood is so difficult, the neighbours shouldn't have to just 'put up with it' - they weren't the ones who decided to bring a baby into the world, fundamentally.
The top rated comment was;
"No, absolutely not. The mother exploding at OP was NOT ok.
OP is not this persons punching bag, OP politely asked for them to do something about excessive noise disrupting OPs homelife and worklife.
Parents don’t get to explode, slam doors in people’s faces and be rude about it just because they feel it maybe a “judgement of her parenting and a threat” when they are told the excessive noise coming from their space/kid is disrupting the neighbours - they need to grow up and get over themselves. Their neighbours didn’t choose to have a kid, they had no say in it so they shouldn’t be expected to deal with the negatives that come along with that choice or abuse from the parents when they polity ask them to do something about it.
If I decide I want to learn drums or the bagpipes should my neighbours just suck it up when I’m practicing all day and night? Do I get to yell at them and be an asshole when they politely ask me to keep it down because I may think thats a judgment they are making on my musical skills?
This “you have no idea what it’s like to be a mother and how hard it is” is likely not true, incredibly condescending, and not OPs problem to deal with.
And this mom doesn’t get to make everyone around her suffer and lash out at them because she didn’t realize that baby’s cry and are difficult.
Making excuses for people who are lashing out at others because they are having a bad day, or because they didn’t realize a kid was a lot of work is why we have so many entitled, selfish (the irony of the mom saying that was rich since she was describing herself) rude assholes."
Our verdict...
Ooft. As mums ourselves, we want to wrap the new parents up in a blanket, give them a hug and a mug of hot chocolate, and send them off to bed for a few hours because we absolutely GET IT. It is hard, and with mum struggling with PPD, this is likely the root cause of her emotional explosion at the neighbour who posted on Reddit.
However, as people with neighbours ourselves, we absolutely get how frustrating and distracting the sound of a screaming baby must be when trying to work!
In our eyes, the neighbour is absolutely right to (politely) ask for a resolution and didn't deserve to be screamed at. No one should be expected to tolerate this without even saying something, really. It's not fair, and the poster was both polite and understanding that babies cry!
We're glad that her partner (the new daddy) was fair and level-headed when approached and hope that a compromise is reached, because no one really needs to be falling out with their neighbours. It's not practical to suggest that the baby is simply moved to another, better insulated, part of the house as it may not be possible every single time, but we definitely think that an area of the house that doesn't reverberate as much should be found to keep everyone happy.
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