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Sharing photographs of our most memorable moments on social media is the norm in this day and age, for many people.
However, it can become incredibly awkward when someone on our friends list experiences something emotionally fraught in their own life, which might make your own post appear somewhat insensitive. The social politics of online social media are honestly a minefield to navigate, but common sense and sensitivity usually wins over.
One expectant mum took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's in the wrong for sharing a photo of her baby shower, captioned 'Growing our beautiful family', mere months after her own sister suffered a stillbirth and the death of her husband in a car accident.
Read the post below... and bear in mind that the poster omitted some information!
"Me (38) and my sister (32) were pregnant around the same time. Her baby was due a month after mine. Unfortunately, my sister and BIL were in a tragic accident a few months ago, and she lost the baby.
My baby shower was last week. It was just at my house with a few friends and relatives. I did tell my sister I was having the baby shower and she's welcome to attend if she wishes, but I completely understand if she can't. She said thanks, and didn't end up coming.
Afterwards I posted photos on social media. Only two, one with all my friends and one with me, my husband and 3 yo. I had the caption "Growing our beautiful family".
My sister sent me a text about the photos and caption. I replied I'm sorry, but I told her before I was having the baby shower. She said having it is fine but got upset at me 'flaunting' it. Again, I said sorry she feels this way but I do want to share my news too.
Mom saw my post, said I should be more understanding of my sister's situation.
My husband thinks I'm fine, and it's literally just a photo."
Find the main post here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted the asshole by over 6000 readers at the time of writing - and also called out for admitting in the comments section that she had omitted the death of her brother-in-law in the car accident... as well as the fact that she had SKIPPED his funeral to attend a dress fitting. We think that this omitted information is actually quite important to know, as it gives more context to allow readers to decide if she's the asshole or not.
In the comments, the poster was branded 'insensitive', 'self absorbed', and a liar for omitting to mention the death of her sister's husband in the car accident, which of course means that her caption could be judged as incredibly insensitive. The top rated comment was;
"YTA!! You might also want to add that your BIL died in the accident and you skipped his funeral. So of course she's going through a lot of grief, she lost two people at once. It's probably best for her to delete you from FB or you delete her."
Another great comment we spotted was;
"Wow, I was really thinking "okay, maybe she was a bit insensitive, but I get how the mistake was made" until I saw the stuff she conveniently left out. She knows she's wrong and tried to manipulate readers into justifying her.
Also, if she really cared for her and didn't want to hurt her sister, she could've easily restricted privacy to everybody but the sister. And the "growing family" comment was salt in the wound and her sister just lost hers."
Our verdict...
We think that the main post lacks context and information that was conveniently drip fed by the poster in response to comments on the thread; we could understand her wanting to be able to share one photograph of her baby shower without having to be anxious about upsetting her sister, that's not unreasonable. However the caption and lack of mention that her brother-in-law was killed in the same accident as the unborn baby, and her choosing a dress fitting over going to the funeral, adds a whole lot of context that many readers admitted made them change their vote from 'NTA' to 'YTA' (You're The Asshole).
Baby loss is heart breaking and any reasonable person with an iota of empathy would post sensitively when it comes to their own pregnancy, but at the same time, it's not fair or reasonable to expect a pregnant person to not share anything about the baby for the sake of the bereaved parent - in fact, parents in our community who've lost babies have told us themselves that they'd never want another parent to feel like they had to do this! The photo itself isn't the main issue - it's her behaviour, which she reluctantly drip fed when pressed for more information.
With the other factors taken into consideration, a line can be crossed and in this situation, it absolutely has been. Her sister has lost a husband and a baby in one fell swoop, without any support from her sister, and we can imagine that this post and the caption would have been the ultimate 'final straw'. Deliberate? We're unsure, but we're hoping it's not, because if it were... it would surely make her a horrible person beyond any redemption.
Our hearts go out to the poor sister in this situation, mourning the loss of her husband and baby. We can only hope that the rest of her family is rallying around her at this time of need.
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