AITA: Wanted Husband To Miss Gym To Look After Baby

You've been up all night with your nine week old baby, you tell your husband you NEED a break and he goes to the gym...

A new Mum who took to Reddit's AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board found herself in that situation.

Read the main post below...

"My husband (26m) and I (25f) have a 9 week old baby. After the first month or so, I took on full responsibility for the night feeds - this makes sense since I am exclusively breastfeeding, and I think there's no reason why we both should have our sleep interrupted when there's not much my husband can add to that equation. To compensate, my husband usually takes the baby in the early mornings with a pumped bottle of milk so I can get a few extra hours of sleep.

Although this arrangement does work, the lack of sleep has been taking its toll on my mental health recently. In addition, although my husband is a great and very present dad 99% of the time, there have been multiple occasions very recently in which I have felt I am being treated as the "default" parent; he has agreed that he needs to be more considerate about automatically assuming that I will take care of the baby if he wants/needs to do something else.

This morning I was particularly exhausted after a difficult night and told my husband I was at my limit and needed a serious break for a few hours - he said no problem. However, about half an hour later he told me he was going to the gym with his friends and would be back in a few hours. I immediately got very upset and said I couldn't believe he was saying this after the conversations we had just had. He said going to the gym was important for his mental and physical health so he needed to go. I said I really really needed a break NOW, and asked if he could at least go later, e.g. in the evening, so I could get a proper break first. He said I needed to be more flexible, that he would take over taking care of the baby as soon as he was home, and that I could just rely on his mother to help out for a few hours (we live with my in-laws) and went anyway.

I feel very unsupported and alone; his mother is very helpful but she has her own responsibilities and I feel I can't exactly ask her to contact nap with the baby for 3 hours whilst I relax and unwind.

I appreciate that mental and physical health are important for new dads as well as new mums, so AITA for wanting my husband to delay his workout for my benefit?"

Read the full Reddit thread here

What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One of the top comments said:

"NTA, your husband is so worried about Mental health and physical health? Obviously not yours. It wasn’t like the discussion was days ago and slipped his mind, the conversation was 30 minutes ago! Then, he went out for a break when you wanted a break? That’s selfish.

Also, he can make the arrangements for his mother to care for the baby if he absolutely needs this time. Instead of making an overtired partner do it. I hope he wises up. You are still in a period when postpartum depression is common."

While another agreed and commented:

"NTA. It takes two. If he can't cancel or postpone going to the gym with friends for his wife and newborn baby, his priorities are off. No one's saying it's easy for him too or he doesn't deserve to have moments but... it's the gym. It'll be there tomorrow. So will his friends. It's not work. It's not family. He can deal.

Maybe setup a word to let the other know you're in a red alert state and assistance is mandatory? Like a safe word."

Our verdict...

If you have spoke to your partner about needing help with the newborn baby and he can help but chooses not to, it's perfectly understandable to be upset with him. A new baby takes a massive toll on both parents, but especially the new Mum who is doing all the night feeds. Having an understanding, supportive partner in this time is a must. 

If you liked this you might like...

• AITA: Best Friends Husband Walked In On Me Breastfeeding
• AITA: Not Sharing Baby Name Before He Is Born
• AITA: Refuse To Let SIL See Kids Until She Apologises
• AITA: Getting Pregnant When I'm Meant to Be Sisters Maid Of Honour
• AITA: Won't Let Sister Breastfeed My Baby
• AITA: Didn't Donate Old Baby Clothes To Sister In Law