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Not all breastfeeding journeys go the way we would hope. Problems can occur during labour or after that can unfortunately prevent new Mums from feeding their baby in the way they had imagined.
One new Mum took to Reddits Am I Wrong board after her sister tried to breastfeed one of the babies then blamed the fact the twins are formula fed on their health issues.
Read the full post here:
"I F28 and my husband 39 recently had twin girls Lana and Clara. Clara is a delicate baby, she has some issues with her immune system but so do I so we figured one of the babies might have some issues with it. But Lana is a big strong baby.
My younger sister, Lucy 24 has had some trouble conceiving and I figured she may have been jealous when I was pregnant but she didn’t show it which I appreciated. She has always wanted to be a mother so I tried my best to be a good sister to her and let her lean on my shoulder whilst also preparing for my girls. I had a hard birth and that coupled with my health issues means that I’ve decided to not breast feed and just formula feed. It’s important to note that both of the girls are healthy and at a good weight.
Lucy has been somewhat erratic since the girls have been born, (they are 4 months), so I’ve been careful to monitor when they’re together but I thought it was important to let her be an Aunty. My husband was more concerned but I asked him to let it go so he has. We had a family gathering barbecue thing with our parents, my sister and her husband and some of our friends. Lana was awake and playing with our parents while we were cooking and Clara was napping so both of the girls were content.
Lucy says she needs the bathroom and is gone for like 20 minutes so I go looking for her and I hear talking coming from the twins nursery. I figured that she was having a snuggle with Clara so I head into the room and oh my fucking god. I thought I was going to be sick, or hit her or I don’t know what. She was sat in the rocking chair trying to breastfeed my daughter!!! I’m being serious, she had her boob out with it in Clara’s mouth. Clara looked confused and didn’t know what to do with it as she’s never been breastfed. I started to shout at her asking what the hell did she think she was doing with my baby. I took Clara from her and tried to soothe her.
Lucy tried to calm me down telling me that I should be grateful and thank her for acting in the best interest of my baby. She said I was failing them by not being able to breast feed them, but her fertility medication has let her start lactating so she decided to help me out. She said the reason Clara wasn’t as well as her sister is because she was being given formula and sickly babies shouldn’t be formula fed. She said I was being unreasonable and that her and Clara have formed a bond over this and that it was cruel to take her away from her.
I have no fucking idea what that means. Does that mean it’s been happening more than once!? What the hell does she think she’s doing? Clara and Lana are my babies not hers! I feel sorry for her but I’m not wrong for thinking this is ridiculous right?
EDIT: thanks for the advice everyone. I can’t lie I find the concept of wet nurses weird and steeped in bad history and slavery but I can appreciate it’s the right choice for some people. But I don’t like the idea of another woman having intimate skin contact with my babies. We will take the girls to their paediatrician tomorrow but I don’t even now if she was producing actual milk. She could be lying.
EDIT 2: we went to the doctors and he said that Clara is fine. He doesn’t believe Lucy was even producing milk. Clara has an iron deficiency so that could be why she’s a bit sickly. I’ve tried telling our parents, they’re going to focus on looking after Lucy I think."
Read the full Reddit thread here
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted Not Wrong. One of the top comments said:
"Your not wrong. stop all contact with her and your daughters. What she is doing isn’t sane. She isn’t emotionally well. Do not trust her around your children. She is having some kind of psychotic break . If you can’t separate what she is doing and her being your sister let your husband take control.
install cameras preferably ones that record. Change locks to your home. Do not let your parents babysit if you think they will let your delusional sister near your daughters.
Save any communication. If she doesn’t respect your wishes to keep her far away from your kids file a restraining order.
Password protect your daughters medical records."
Another comment said:
"If your sister truly thought what she was doing was ok, she wouldn’t have hidden it from you.
She’s clearly mentally unwell. You need to not allow her in your house or around your babies until she get professional help."
Our Verdict...
It is absolutely not ok to breastfeed someone elses child without their consent. We really hope that the sister gets the help she quite clearly needs and that then new Mum to be can safely move on from this and that somewhere down the line they can rebuild their relationship. Unfortunately we wouldn't be trusting the sister around the babies for quite some time!
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