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While it can be frustrating when you've spent hours prepping a meal, only for your child to barely touch it, some children are just not big eaters.
They can be happy and healthy, but just can't eat a big meal all the time. But the worst thing anyone can do is to force that child to finish everything on the plate. It can be so damaging to them in the long run. Yes, it normally comes from the best of intentions but that doesn't always make it right. One Mum of two took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board after her sister in law forced her child to finish her meal before she could leave the table, resulting in a lot of tears...
Read the post below...
"I 32F have two daughters 7F who we'll call Amy and 5F who we'll call Rose, this story is about Amy. My kids frequently visit their aunt 27F, we'll call her Cindy for "girl's nights." My daughters love the visits because they get to be pampered and my SIL doesn't have any kids of her own so she really enjoys the quality time.
The kids are well behaved and there are rarely any issues, with the exception of one thing that keeps on getting brought up. Amy is a light eater, always has been and this absolutely infuriates Cindy.
As someone who grew up with the "always clear your plate" mantra, I know how damaging that can be to someone's relationship with food so if my kids say they're full, then they don't have to eat anymore (for clarity we don't throw food away, just store it for later).
Last night Amy and Rose had a sleepover at Cindy's. Apparently all was well until dinner. Cindy served the girls what she later told me were the "proper servings" of Mac'n'Cheese. Amy decided she was full with about 1/3 of her meal left uneaten. Cindy tried to get her to finish more and more insistently until she said that Amy wouldn't get desert if she didn't finish her entire meal. That's pretty standard and totally fair but when Amy's full, she's full so I'm told she replied with attitude "I don't want any desert I said I'm full!" Cindy got extremely mad at Amy and went on a tirade about respect and wastefulness. She made Amy sit at the table and refused to let her leave until she finished her entire meal. Amy cried at the table for a full hour taking small bites until her food was gone, she didn't end up wanting desert. The entire time my youngest Rose was also crying because she hates to see her sister upset. I heard all of this from Amy and Rose supported the story, though apparently the rest of the night went smoothly and they watched some cartoons and had a mini spa.
When I heard about this I was FURIOUS. Not only did Cindy blatantly disrespect my daughters boundaries, but she body shamed her and forced her to eat while she was BAWLING. She told Amy that she way way too thin and had to get some meat on her bones (her doctor says her weight is perfectly healthy for a girl her age). There has been a repeated problem with Cindy trying to pressure my kids to eat more but this incident was the last straw.
I'll admit I was probably a bit harsh on Cindy but I'm refusing to let her have the girls over again until she apologizes to Amy, explains to her why forcing her to eat was inappropriate and promises to never repeat it again. Cindy thinks I'm encouraging the girls to be wasteful and ungrateful."
Find the full Reddit thread here
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). The top comment said:
"If Cindy is so against waste, maybe she should make smaller portions.
NTA - Cindy sounds insane. Who would actually make a kid eat mac n cheese through tears for like an hour? Only a crazy person who is exercising power over children would do that."
While another said:
"NTA I don think you were OTT with your reaction. You are clearly aware of the damage that mindset can have whereas your sister isn't. Stand your ground to protect your daughters. I don't know how anyone could think leaving a child to cry for an hour while they try to force themself to eat food is an okay thing to do."
Our Verdict...
While we obviously want our children to eat everything on their plate, the reality is it just doesn't happen all the time. The more you tend to push, the less they want to eat. Some of the comments in the thread were from people who experienced this first hand while they were young, and it's always stuck with them. As adults we don't always finish a meal, so why is it any different for a child? As long as they aren't just refusing to eat it so they can snack later...
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