AITA: Asked Sister Not To Refer To My Child As Her Own?

As parents, we often rely on our family for help with childcare. But how would you feel if that family member went online and was claiming your child as their own?

One Dad took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board after his ex-wife found out his sister has been on a Facebook group claiming their child as her own, referring to the child as her 'daughter'. Unstandably the Mum was upset, but the poster worries he may have been the asshole by confronting his sister on the matter...

Read the full post here:

"I (35M) have partial custody of my daughter (3F) after a very unamicable divorce. I work a full-time job and do some freelancing to support us both, so my sister (22F) nannies for me, as she is otherwise unemployed and not in school.

My ex-wife called me the other day, absolutely livid. She was cursing at me and threatened to call the police on my sister, accusing her of harassment and all sorts of things. Eventually, she told me that she joined a Facebook parenting group for our area and saw that my sister has been posting there, but has been referring to my daughter as her own and saying things like, "My 3 y.o. likes that movie too!" or "Taking my daughter to [local event] this weekend, anyone else going?"

From what my ex could tell, she is a popular poster in the group and will post 2-3 times a week. I told her I would talk to my sister about it.

I do find it weird, but I don't think it's the scale of unusual my ex seems to think it's at. However, we live in a midsized area and I would be concerned about my or my ex's friends/family seeing my sister's posts and what they might think. I'm also working on my coparenting relationship with my ex and don't want to jeopardize that in this situation. If she has an issue about the care of our daughter, I want her to see that I respect that and will do what I can to remedy the situation.

My ex had our daughter this weekend for Mother's Day, so I took the opportunity to speak with my sister about it. I let her know all of my issues and asked her to delete the posts and not make anymore that referred to my daughter as her own. I told her I had no issue with her posting about what they were up to, etc., but she needed to be honest about their relationship. My sister did not like this answer and had a bit of a fit, telling me off and accusing me of siding with my ex over her. She said she would not be watching my daughter anymore, unless my ex and I apologized to her.

I'm now concerned that I've lost my relationship with my sister for the sake of a woman I don't even like all that much. I agreed with my ex that it was strange behavior, but I didn't feel half as strongly as her. Was I in the wrong for this? AITA for telling my sister not to claim my daughter as hers?"

Read the full Reddit thread here

What was the general consensus?

It was quite a split decision on whether the poster was the Asshole or not. One of the top comments said:

"YTA. But not for asking your sister to stop.

This is absolutely unhinged behavior and your child is not safe whatsoever in the care of your sister. You need to prevent your sister from seeing your child and make alternative care arrangements.

The fact that you were still planning on having your sister care for your kid (until she threw a fit) is what makes YTA. You were planning on allowing an extremely dangerous situation to continue."

While another said:

"NTA

your sister appears to be trying to create this social media presence of a parent. and by lying about it, then not only defending her lies but expecting you to apologize and allow her to continue with this is just....nuts.

I think you need to put a little distance between her, yourself and your daughter. at least until this whole thing settles down and she understands what she's doing and why it's wrong"

Our Verdict...

We can understand why the Mother felt as strongly as she did about the situation. It seems bizarre to claim a child is yours when in fact it's your niece. However, the poster didn't seem to feel as strongly about it. He only brought it up because of the Mothers strong reaction, and doesn't seem to question what his sister is doing and how it looks. He seems more bothered about losing childcare than how his sister has acted. 

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