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Telling your family and friends your expecting your first child is a lovely experience many look forward to.
Usually when you are within the first 12 weeks of yourr pregnancy you only tell your nearest and dearest and swear them to secrecy. But what if someone so close to you can't be trusted with the secret? One expectant Mum took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board as she doesn't trust her Mother in Law to keep quiet.
Read the main post below...
"My (28f) husbands (29m) mother is extremely involved in her children’s lives. Essentially she believes that she has a say in everything since they’re her children. We do love her, but she can be a lot. Lots of unsolicited advice, pushy opinions, etc…
We started to notice that she has been extremely gossipy - particularly about things that should not be shared. For example, we were told of a cousins pregnancy having birth defects but were told not to tell anyone because she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. Another cousin was pregnant and ultimately miscarried, but this wasn’t announced so we’ve had to act like we don’t know. Another cousin got pregnant but didn’t want anyone to know as it was early, her mom told my MIL (her SIL) and my MIL told us, again we were told to act like we didn’t know. Luckily everything is on track with that one.
I mentioned that I hoped that when the day came for me to announce my own pregnancy, she would not tell others as it’s something that my husband and I should enjoy and do ourselves. She said “It doesn’t matter, because no one would tell you they already knew so it would be just as special to you”.
I realized then and there that nothing we could do or say would prevent her from spreading the word before we were ready, and my husband agreed.
Now we have found that we’re expecting our first, and we’re very excited. We are only 6 weeks into the pregnancy. I expressed a desire to not tell his mother until 12 weeks, and that I’d essentially like to tell her and then posit it online within the hour. He was okay with that plan.
However, I do want to tell my 2 sisters and my mother and father. They are extremely supportive people and I want to share this time with them. I would never worry about them telling anyone. He thinks that it would be wrong to tell my family and not his own, and his mother would never forgive us (me really). I said that his mothers inability to stop gossiping shouldn’t prevent me from sharing with my family. I also said that he can tell his sister if he would like, as I know for a fact she will keep it a secret from her mom (she shared many of the same concerns).
He said this is asking for problems because his mom will inevitably find out later that everyone knew before her. I agree that she will likely find that out, but I don’t think that’s our problem and she should understand why we kept it from her. His father would never side with us to keep the peace but definitely understands why we would do this.
WIBTA for hiding this from his mother but telling others in our family?"
Find the full Reddit thread here
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). Our favourite comment said:
"NTA Go ahead and tell your family. When your MIL finds out later she was the last to know and explodes just calmly tell her “It doesn’t matter, because no one told you they already knew so it would be just as special to you”.
While someone else wrote:
"She told you that she wouldn't keep the pregnancy a secret. I applaud the self-awareness, but choices like that have consequences.
I've had to inform friends and family about my pregnancy losses before and it is EXTREMELY hard, especially when you go through it multiple times. It's understandable that you wouldn't want to have to face that on a broader scale, which telling your MIL would guarantee.
That's why I'm voting NTA. People who can't keep secrets can't be surprised when they are cut out of the loop."
Our Verdict...
We definitely think the poster should tell her family without feeling bad on her MIL. She shouldn't ruin the excitement for everyone. We think she is doing the right thing, it's her first baby, it's her news to share with people and no-one should take that away from the couple.
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