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Imagine struggling to fall pregnant after years of trying, and when it finally happens your best friend is not happy because you'll be pregnant for her wedding.
This is what ope Mum to be is currently going through. She took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board to ask if maybe she should have planned her pregnancy around her friends wedding day.
Read the full thread below...
"My (28f) friend Sarah (26f) is getting married next week and I’m her MOH. I should be excited, but this whole situation has caused me a lot of anxiety because I’m 8 months pregnant and she isn’t happy about it.
You see, Sarah and her fiancé Dave got engaged two years ago and decided they’d get married on their anniversary which is so sweet and very them.
As Sarah’s MOH, I’ve been helping her plan and navigate through all of the many complicated feelings that go with being a bride- especially with setting boundaries with family members who don’t understand that this wedding is about Sarah and Dave and not them.
One of the major setbacks was the fact that they want to have a childless wedding. Because of Sarah’s anxiety, I took up deescalate some of her family members that demanded to be “the exception” and was able to help talk down all of the people who felt entitled to this wedding.
All was well with the world until I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I have been actively trying to have a baby for the past few years with no luck. I have some medical issues which make having children extremely challenging for me, and when I found out I thought Sarah would be happy for me but she told me I was incredibly selfish.
She did the math and figured out I’d be due around the date of her wedding- which (she reminded me) I knew about well in advance. I tried to explain myself, but she wouldn’t hear it. She said if I was really her friend, I would have planned around her wedding.
I told her I realized she was hurt, but I wasn’t about to put my plans on hold for her. She got even more upset. She didn’t understand how I could spend all that time telling her loved ones not to bring children to her wedding only to turn around and do it myself.
I was shocked. I’m not due until the week after her wedding so technically wouldn’t be bringing a baby to the wedding. She then expressed how she was concerned about me going into labor at her wedding and started crying. I assured her that wouldn’t happen, and for the past couple of months she’s been bringing this concern up to me repeatedly and making comments about my body changing and the pictures, etc. She’s mentioned more than once she’s worried I’ll be taking attention away from her and now I’m starting to believe it.
Last night some of the other brides maids went out drinking with Sarah and I guess my pregnancy came up again because I’ve received quite a few texts and snaps telling me that I’m a bad friend and don’t deserve to be a part of this wedding. They’ve even called me an AH for planning my pregnancy during the wedding. AITA?
Edit: thank you all for your kind words and support. I appreciate the clarity. I wanted to take a moment to address a few things:
Some of you were confused about me comforting Sarah by saying I’m due the week after the wedding. Yes, I am aware that the baby is literally due any day now and Sarah was rightfully worried about me going into labor at her wedding. I understand that makes me look naive, but she was so upset that I felt I had to comfort her.
I was also at the character limit and in editing it down I think so things got lost in translation. The initial conversation where I told her I was not going to go into labor at her wedding happened when I had just learned my pregnancy would stick so I was very optimistic and very fresh in my pregnancy and only sharing the news with a select few people. Obviously a baby is going to come when they want. I was just trying to talk down a crying friend.
Second, I’m not sure why I didn’t think about stepping down as MOH. It’s not that it didn’t cross my mind, my husband has been panicking and has had very little patience with the whole ordeal, but it didn’t feel like a possibility. Sarah has consistently said things like, “don’t leave me” “you have to be there” “please don’t miss my big day” that it just didn’t seem possible.
Third, hearing everyone out has really made me reconsider this friendship. Sarah and I have been friends since highschool so it almost feels like we’re sisters at this point. I know I’m an AH for not listening to my husband about his concerns about Sarah, especially lately, I just chalked this behavior up to Sarah being Sarah. She’s always been particular about events, and she and I have similar family dynamics so I empathized with her dealing with some of the pushback from her family. I just didn’t realize things were as bad as they were.
Thank you again for your kindness and support. I appreciate it tremendously."
Read the full Reddit thread here
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One of the top comments said:
"Friends are happy when their friends get pregnant. Friends are not friends when they are worried it might affect “their big day.”
Just the fact you were in charge of deescalating issues with her family says enough.
Or the fact that you would have had to put off getting pregnant for two years to make her happy, because let’s be honest, there was no acceptable time for you to become even a day pregnant other than after her wedding.
Drop this diva. NTA"
While another said:
"I have to agree, you don’t deserve to be part of this wedding.
You don’t deserve to be told you are “selfish” for getting pregnant.
You don’t deserve to be getting little texts and snaps telling you that you are a “bad friend”.
You don’t deserve the aggravation of doing a favor of being in a wedding of somebody that isn’t happy for you and accused you of not participating in a “childfree wedding” because you are pregnant!
Why don’t you just back out and let your dear and lovely friend have her childfree wedding, hmmm? It sounds like it would be ever so much less stressful for you. NTA"
Our Verdict...
You can't expect anyone to stop trying to have a baby just because they may be pregnant during your wedding. A true friend would have been happy for their friends great news, especially as the poster has been trying to get pregnant for a while now. Maybe the poster should step down as Maid Of Honour and just attend as a guest as it seems quite a stressful time during the final stage of her pregnancy.
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