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AITA: Want A Weeks Holiday Alone Without Husband Or Kids

As Mums we often carry a lot of the household and childcare responsibilities, while balancing work on top of that. We often carry on until we are fully burned out.

One Mum of three decided she was going to treat herself for her birthday to a weeks holiday - totally alone! However, her husband isn't fully onboard with this idea...

Read the full thread below...

"Me (32F) and my partner (37M) are in a disagreement. He thinks I'm selfish for considering this. I don't think I am. He suggested I post here to see what you all say.

We have been together 12 years.

My partner has two responsibilities in terms of the house. He walks the dogs in the morning and he goes to work full time (8-6). More often than not, he falls asleep at 8pm. He works in IT.

We have three children (7, 4, 2) and I am fully responsible for their care, as well as every household duty, laundry, cooking, cleaning. I am a SAHM, but I am also self employed, so after I look after the children all day, I then work for a couple of hours on my laptop.

My birthday is coming up. I asked my partner what he would think if I booked myself a vacation, for a week, on my birthday and went on my own. If he could use his PTO to take time off to look after and spend the week with our three children - taking them to school and taking care of the house.

He told me I was selfish. "It's selfish to want to go on holiday for a week for my birthday?" He said yes.

My partner hasn't done a load of laundry in the ten years. He cooks dinner 'occasionally' (2 x a month). He doesn't hoover, mop, or mow lawns. I get it, he's tired and he works full time, but I work too, and I don't feel appreciated. I just want a week where I don't have to placate a crying child, or stop the toddler from running into traffic, or worry about everyone else's good time while sacrificing my own.

The last time I spent time away from the children/house was when we went out for dinner for his birthday in March (After they were asleep. I organised the babysitter). Oh, and my pap smear, which he tried to make me take the children too even though he was home.

The holiday would be paid for entirely by me.

He gets 28 days of PTO, not including bank holidays. Last year, he lost 12 PTO days because he didn't take them. (We're in the UK)


Find the full Reddit thread here


What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One commenter said:

"NTA There is nothing wrong about wanting time alone and being responsible for only yourself. In fact, it could be beneficial for everyone. When people burn out, it affects everyone around them. If your partner is adamant about a whole week, perhaps they'll be amenable to a three day weekend. I hope you get a much needed break."

While another said:

"Why is a parent with THREE small kids not taking all their leave?

Either he has a very toxic work environment or he's deliberately avoiding you and the children."

The original poster replied to this comment stating: 

"His boss was actually quite angry with him that he didn't take all of his leave, and very lucky for us carried over 5 days (which was more than generous).

Its the second year in a row that he's had a minimum of ten days left at the end of the year. That's two full weeks.

To be honest, even if he's here, it's still the same if not more housework. It's frustrating that he won't take time off for parents evenings, school events like plays or teacher meetings."

Our Verdict...

We think it's incredibly important for us Mums to take a break when we are feeling burned out. It's important to put ourselves first once in a while, the better we are mentally and physcially, the better we are for our children. We hope this Mum of three got to go on her holiday and enjoyed her birthday relaxing!

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