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Most of us get excited at the prospect of a wedding invitation, but what do we do when our children are not invited?
It can be an extremely tricky situation to navigate; if it's a consistently applied rule and the wedding is close to home, many parents will be happy enough to book a baby sitter. However, if other children are in attendance and the travel means that parents will need to pay for childcare overnight - if such a thing is even accessible to them - then it's understandable that parents would feel very conflicted and frustrated. One mum has taken to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's being unreasonable for refusing to attend a family wedding after finding out that other children WERE invited, yet hers were not.
Read the post below...
"To start, my husband (M30), has 1 cousin (F25), and a step brother (M40). The three of them have always been apart of each other’s lives, and they are very close. My husband and I (F30) have 2 children (F3 and F5), and his step brother has 2 children (F7 and F10).
The cousin is getting married, and when she announced her engagement, she invited my husband to be a groomsman in her wedding. The cousin then asked the step brother’s daughter’s to be in the wedding. She did not ask our children to be in the wedding. When I expressed my hurt feelings over this, I was told they only invited the older 2 girls because of their age, and my kids were just too young. I was not happy with this, but it’s not my wedding, so I put my feelings aside.
Fast forward to the rehearsal dinner, and there are 8 other children aged 1 - 8, all in the wedding or invited to the wedding. These children are distant relations of the groom. My feelings are beyond hurt, to the point where I told my husband I don’t want to go anymore. He told me I’m being dramatic, and his whole family just keeps saying “Oh, it’s so much more fun to not have your kids, you should be happy you get a night off.”
That’s not how I feel, I love my kids, and this was a close knit family. I feel like they are being unfairly treated. AITA?
ETA: IMPORTANT: I do not care of my children are in the wedding party. If my post made it sound like that, I apologize. I am upset that they were not invited to the wedding, I was lied to about the reasoning why, and was blindsided over there being other children the same age as them invited to the wedding."
Find the main thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The readers of Reddit certainly picked this situation apart and analysed it thoroughly! Many comments pointed out that the situation is perhaps more complex than portrayed in the post; were the children invited as guests, but not to be 'in' the wedding as bridesmaids or page boys? Do her children have a record of mischievous behaviour that she perhaps isn't letting on to? More context is certainly needed, but the poster did provide an edit to clarify that her children were not invited at all, and the other children at the rehearsal dinner were confirmed to be invited.
The top rated comment was;
"NTA. It's one thing for it to be a wedding that has NO young children invited, but it IS unfair to have yours excluded if there are other children of the same age attending. However, the inviting party of the wedding is ALSO entitled to invite anybody they like, and to NOT invite anybody they don't want. You would NOT be an AH to choose not to attend, but be aware it will cause issues with your partner. You WOULD be the AH however If you choose to make a huge spectacle of the issue, or if you attempt to diminish the event for other goers."
Another highly rated comment was;
"NTA, doesn't matter if your kids are involved or not, cousin lied and it sounds like they don't even want your kids there. If it was me, I wouldn't attend, and I'd be making it clear to my partner that they can attend if they want, but it will cause issues in the relationship going forward if they choose a cousin over their own kids."
Conversely, there were quite a few comments stating that the poster is pehaps being 'the asshole' as, fundamentally, the guest list is the choice of the bride and groom, no matter whose feelings are hurt. Overall though, the consensus was that she wouldn't be in the wrong for not going to the wedding at all.
Our verdict...
We certainly don't blame the poster for being upset and taking it personally that her children were not invited to the wedding, whilst others were. She wouldn't be an asshole for not attending out of principle but on the flip side, if she can get reliable childcare, it might be a missed opportunity for time alone with her husband - her feelings about the kids not being invited still being valid of course! At the end of the day, would she feel better if the bride and groom changed their mind and invited her children, not because they wanted to but because they didn't want to upset her? It would feel rather empty and uncomfortable knowing they weren't initially welcome, wouldn't it? On that note, we don't think it's worth pushing for the children to be invited.
We would say to them, go to the wedding, eat, drink and dance yourselves merry childfree for an evening, and then after, take that cousin off your Christmas card list for lying to you... No confrontation needed, but a point made.
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