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Losing a baby is amongst one of the worst traumas anyone can endure, at any gestation.
You'd expect your family and friends to be sensitive, empathetic and supportive during the worst time of your life, right? For the most part, people are kind and have good hearts, especially towards those who are going through a horrible time but there is no denying that a small minority of people act in despicable ways in a time of crisis; even if it's unintentional and down to a pure lack of tact, but there's no reasonable excuse.
One very upset woman took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's out of line for her explosive reaction to a very barbed comment about her miscarriage, made by her sister-in-law; read the full post below.
"I'll preface this by saying that me (f31) and my sil "Valerie" (husband's brother's wife) never had a close relationship for some reason. But we are on okay terms most of the time. That is until she started making comments about my physical health. she always points out how thin and small my figure is (I've always been like this). especially my flat chest or non-existant butt. In comparison, she is blessed in those areas. she cares so much about her appearance and most of her time and money is spent on that. Anyways I try to always take it easy and not get offended since she's just making "observations".
I finally got pregnant after 3 years of trying. The whole family were thrilled but unfortunately, I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago which was unexpected and quit devastating. My MIL invited me for dinner last night as a way to cheer me up. Valerie and BIL were there too. We were talking during dinner and Valerie brought up my miscarriage. She flatout said that the miscarriage happened because of my body and "my small and limited potential it has to be able to carry a baby" Ngl, this shook me hard. My husband looked at me hoping I'd let it go but I looked at Valerie from head to toe then pointed at her chest and said " Oh I see that's where all your brains and class melted to." She was stunned eyes wide open. BIL got involved saying this was not cool but I argued that she made a jab at my body and basically blamed it for the miscarriage. We all started arguing but my husband sat there quietly watching. I got up, gathered my stuff and told him I wanted to go home.
He was quiet the whole ride home but scolded me hours later saying what I said was totally mean and out of line and his SIL was just making "an observation". He told to call her up and apologize for what I said since she and his brother are upset but I declined.
I think maybe I shouldn't have said this and ruined dinner that was set up for me. AITA?"
Find the full thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
Thousands of people voted the poster NTA (Not The Asshole), expressing their sympathy and fury for her; many commenters had themselves been through the loss of a baby at various gestations, and shared how their own partners had supported them through it. The fact that the poster's husband berated his wife for her reaction rather than call his sister out on her comment also caused a lot of contention in the comments section. The top rated comment was;
"I would not be putting up with that from the husband holy shit. Tell that man he can start setting boundaries with his family and defending you or pack his shit NTA"
Our verdict...
'Boundaries' is an excellent word used by the top rated comment, and we concur. The lack of boundaries between the poster's husband and his family is problematic, and that isn't even scratching the surface of the blatant case of verbal diarrhoea that his sister subjected a grieving woman to; 'insensitive' is putting it way too mildly, in our opinion. We'd be more concerned if someone DIDN'T react badly to a such a nasty comment, it was her right to advocate for herself and, whilst her response was spiteful, in the heat of the moment, can she blamed? Absolutely not.
Final note... it's worth touching upon how wrong body shaming is, too, as this an integral theme to this whole sorry saga. It's never ok to shame someone, no matter how big or small they are, and it's beyond the pale to then blame someone's figure on their miscarriage!
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