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Family are so eager to come over once you have given birth to your baby, but is it ok for them to stay over for a full week as soon as your home from the hospital?
One new Mum-to-be took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board after her mother in law claimed she would be coming to stay for a week every two months from as soon as the baby is born.
Read the full thread below...
"My MIL lives about 8 hours away. Now that my husband and I have children (2 year old + almost newborn) she insists on staying with us for a week every 2 months so she can see her grandchildren. The problem is, my husband and I are burnt out of hosting her. She doesn’t help out with childcare, housework, etc. only adds to my workload. We are having a baby in about a month and she expects to stay with us for a week once we come home from the hospital. We have gently suggested her getting a hotel, to which she replied she can’t afford it (mind you, my MIL makes good money, she’s just bad at saving it). I don’t want to keep her from her grandchildren, but at the same time I am tired of hosting a high maintenance person every two months. I’ve also suggested her staying with her sister, to which she replied that she doesn’t want to see her sister she wants to see us. Am I the asshole for telling her she can stay with us a few times a year, but every 2 months is too much? Especially when I’m freshly postpartum?"
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One comment said:
"NTA. You are not required to host her, and are perfectly free to set boundaries. If she’s not helping, she’s adding more to an already full plate. If she gets offended, too bad, so sad."
While another said...
"NTA but I think this is something she has to hear from her son. Specifically, she needs to help out if she wants to visit in the future. You have 3 children under the age of 4, you don’t need any more responsibilities."
Our Verdict...
Having people stay over is a lot of work, while staying on top of the cleaning, cooking meals, keeping them entertained etc. But when you add children to the mix it makes it almost impossible especially when the guests won't lift a finger. We think the Mum shouldn't have to host her mother in law that often, and it shouldn't be expected from her to either. Especially straight after giving birth, when the family should have that quality bonding time with their new addition, while the new Mum rests and recovers. We do think this would be better coming from the posters husband though, it's his mother and his responsibility to lay down their boundaries.
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