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AITA: Won't Name My Baby After MIL's Unborn Child

It's quite common for people to give their children a sentimental name, after a loved one that has unfortunately passed, whether that's a first name or a middle name.

But what if that idea was forced upon you? A first time Mum took to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole?) board after her future Mother in Law for not naming their child after her child who sadly died during childbirth.

Read the full thread below...

"My boyfriend (20) and I (also 20) have been together for 2 years. We received news a few months that we’re expecting. I never wanted kids, but I figured it was better to have them young than anything else.

We found out not that long ago that we were expecting a girl. My boyfriends mother has always wanted a granddaughter as she had two boys and my boyfriends brother doesn’t want kids period. However, my boyfriend and I decided to keep the gender of the baby a secret until she’s born.

One evening recently, my boyfriend and I went out to dinner with his parents and the discussion of baby names came up.

My boyfriends mother kept asking what the gender was to be able to decide a name. We explained that we wouldn’t be announcing the gender until birth. She kept insisting we tell her as she needed to help with the name picking process. We explained to her that we were to decide the names, and it was our decision only. We also addressed that if it was a boy, it we would have Scott as the middle name as that was my fathers name - he passed from cancer when I was 13. My future mother in law stated that if I “get to name the damn baby after him, then the girls name should be McKenna.”

My boyfriends mother was pregnant around 18 years ago and lost the baby during childbirth. The baby would’ve been a girl and she was going to be named McKenna. It’s a heartbreaking story and I feel so horrible that she had to experience that. However, I didn’t want my daughter to be named McKenna. I dislike the name, no offense, and my boyfriend had no connection with the baby. He was too young to even know what happened. Regardless of my opinion, if my boyfriend wanted to name our child after one of his loved ones, he could’ve stated that - but he hasn’t.

She insisted I was rude and selfish for not even considering McKenna as a name and that her baby had just as much of a right to be honored as my father.

My boyfriend kept insisting that the idea was ridiculous; I was very close with my father. He was sick for years and I even had to watch him die, so naming a son after him would be him living on. He passed at 38, so it’s to honor him. My boyfriend never even knew his mother was pregnant until after everything because he was so young and that the name McKenna had never even been brought up in their household until now.

So, am I the asshole for not using the name my future mother in law picked for her unborn child?"

Read the full Reddit thread here


What was the general consensus?

The poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). One comment said:

"Absolutely positively NTA and MIL needs reminded that this is NOT her child! She has no entitlement to baby girl or any of the decisions either. Establish & enforce boundaries now, because I can already see that she’s going to try and stomp all over your boundaries and choices! She’s sees this as a redo of her child that she lost. She will absolutely take over everything to do with your baby if you don’t enforce consequences."

While another commented: 

"NTA. Straight up tell her no. Do not budge. Prepare for her to try to insert herself into EVERYTHING. Put her on an info diet and DO NOT tell her when you’re in labor. Do not tell her the baby has arrived until the ink is dry on the birth certificate. Thankfully your boyfriend seems to know how to say no to his mom."

Our Verdict...

While on one hand, the mother-in-law probably meant well with her baby name suggestion, we also think she should respect their decision in saying no to it. No-one should be forced into naming the baby a particular name so they don't upset someone else. For the mother in law to call her selfish though was really uncalled for, the only one being selfish is the mother in law herself.

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