skip to main content

Have you downloaded the Bump, Baby & You app yet?

aita-mil-cover
Parents

AITA: Didn't Let MIL See Baby

Many new parents dread the influx of visitors desperate to meet the newborn.

This is so common - you've just been through labour, or surgery, or even both if you're seriously unlucky. When you get home, the last thing you'll probably want is people turning up at short notice or unannounced. It's precious bonding time for you and your baby, as well as time for you to heal and rest, at least for the first week or so. If you do allow relatives over, what do you do if their behaviour becomes unbearable?

One new mum took to the Reddit AITA (am I the asshole) board to ask, is she the asshole for not letting her mother-in-law visit her baby?

Her reasons for having her mother-in-law removed from her home by estate security speak for themselves; she's an exclusively breastfeeding mum, her mother-in-law hates having to give the baby back to his mum for feeds, and when she turned up unannounced and was caught giving the baby a bottle of formula without asking mum, things went majorly sour. This was AFTER a series of dramatic reactions by the mother-in-law, upon finding out that the new parents would not be giving their baby an unnecessary circumcision, claiming the baby would 'burn in hell' as the parents-to-be were unmarried, and throwing a fit as she wasn't given the role of baby shower planner. Yikes.

Read the full post below...

aita-mil-1

aitamil-2

Find the post here - credit to Reddit.

What was the general consensus?

The comments section on this Reddit post blew up, with this mummy being unequivocally voted 'NTA' (not the asshole). People wasted no time in pointing out that...

  • You should never give a breastfed baby formula without permission as the baby could have undetected allergies and it could cause breastfeeding and digestive problems if not implemented properly.
  • The act of giving the baby formula without asking was a deliberate attempt to undermine the mum, 'she knew what she was doing'.
  • The MIL has 'lost the plot' for giving her son and his partner a 'list of demands' due to their unmarried status.
  • Telling them that their baby will burn in hell is unforgivable.
  • Ghosting her own family because they don't want to circumcise their child or baptise him into a religion without him choosing it is infantile at best, unstable and controlling at worst.
  • The MIL is controlling and 'pissed' because her threats and tantrums are falling flat.
  • She is trying to manipulate the situation by passing messages through her other son about 'not coping with life'.
  • The MIL is potentially a narcissist and should be evaluated.

The top voted comment hit the nail on the head;

"Holy hell what MIL did with the formula was so dangerous. OP and Hubby don't know if anything else was put in the bottle, baby could have had an allergy to an ingredient, the formula could have spoiled if she pre-made it before arriving. So many many just.... UGH. I want to scream and do things to that MIL on behalf of OP that would get me banned from here."

Our verdict...

There are WAY too many things wrong with this situation - on the part of the toxic mother-in-law - for us to unpick without writing a dissertation. This new mum is not in any way, shape or form the 'asshole' in this situation, and the people trying to guilt-trip her into forgiving her mother-in-law with no mention of an apology for the new mum are just enabling toxic and controlling behaviour. No one needs that drama in their lives!

Other articles to read...

Here for you...
From trying to conceive to the preschool years and beyond, we’re right here with you.