AITA: Refused To Let Stranger Change Baby

Would YOU let a stranger change your baby's nappy?

Good question! We can imagine that for most of you, the answer there would be a big fat NO.

One dad took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to share his very awkward experience, wanting to know if he was possibly in the wrong - it's quite upsetting, and we hope that nothing like this ever happens to him again.

You can read the post below...

"So, for a little context, I(28M) am a single father to my 4 month old baby girl. I lost her mom due to pregnancy issues, and havent been able to go anywhere without my kid.

I work from home and I take her to get groceries with me as I dont trust other people enough to hire a babysitter. Around two days ago I was at Walmart shopping for some formula and other essentials for my baby. As you know, babies poop. Mine was no exception. As soon as I realize what's going on I made my way to the family bathroom to change her, but there was no changing station in there for her. I went into the men's bathroom and there wasnt one in there either, so I asked one of the female workers if there were any other bathrooms I could change her in and a lady a couple feet away from us overheard our exchange.

She looked to be in her 40s and had 3 kids with her. She came up to me and offered to change my child for me as there was a changing station in the women's bathroom. Again, I'm not comfortable with other people alone with my kid and YES I know eventually she will get older and go out on her own all the time, but shes only 4 months old as of now.

Anyway, I declined her offer but asked the worker I was talking to if she could check if there was anyone in the women's bathroom so I could go change her in there. The other woman that came over to me says its inappropriate for a man to go into a women's bathroom and offered to change my baby again. I refused, and said that she's a stranger and I'd rather not leave her with my child.

I guess this made her tick because she started to go off on this tangent about how I'm a man and she's a woman and she knows more then me when it comes to being a parent(which is probably true as I'm still new to this) and I should just let her change my baby as "the smell could cause a disturbance." I was over it at this point. My child was crying and she smelled like a rotten corpse. I walked past the lady and made my way over to the women's bathroom. She blocks my way with her shopping cart and calls me a pervert. There's a small crowd gathering from all the commotion and I dont want anyone to get the wrong idea so I walk into the family bathroom and change her on my lap.

I had to take my shirt off as some of her "booboo" got on it. Basically I'm just saying "fuck it I'll just shop somewhere else" and leave the restroom. As I'm walking out I'm getting glares from every woman that was around, looking at me like I did something bad. I didnt even pay for the formula I got, I just left the cart and ended up going to target. I talked to some of my female coworkers about it and they said I was completely in the wrong, but my wife's parents are backing me on this. I cant help but think that maybe I am just being an overbearing parent? I'm not sure and it's starting to weigh down on me. Am I the asshole?

Edit: My buddy told me I should add this here. My wife was Asian-American And I'm African-American. My baby looks pretty pale compared to me. In my area theres not a lot of cultural diversity. I'm not from here either, so I look pretty out of place and "sketchy" naturally (as I've been told.)"

Find the full thread on Reddit here.

diaper

What was the general consensus?

The overall vote on this thread was that this father is NOT the asshole in this situation; in fact, readers were very sympathetic towards him, with thousands of comments expressing their best wishes and disappointment that he was treated so badly. Some commenters were surprised that the store manager couldn't temporarily close the women's toilets for the dad to be able to access the changing table.

The top rated comment was...

"NTA at all.

No one in their right mind would hand over their 4 month old to a total stranger and let them change their nappy.

It drives me bonkers that changing facilities aren’t available in every bathroom, dads need to change their kids too. It’s not the 50’s anymore it’s time for society to catch up and update the infrastructure."

Our verdict...

Imagine losing your partner and other parent of your child, having to solo parent so soon after a bereavement, to not be able to access appropriate baby changing facilities in public purely due to your gender. If that's not bad enough, it gets even worse when you're chastised and abused by a stranger for refusing them intimate access to your baby. This situation is the PERFECT example of misandry; there's still a problematic gender bias when it comes to parenting, and this is wrong. A father should be able to access baby changing facilities to change their baby without being called a pervert, end of story.

We'd also like to add, either way, he couldn't win. If he was to allow a stranger to take his baby into the women's toilets for a nappy change, and something awful were to happen - be it an accident, a criminal act etc - he'd be held responsible for allowing it and branded an unfit parent. It's such a horrible situation and we really, truly feel for every father who has struggled to change their own child in public based on sexist notions that this is the 'job' of a mother exclusively.

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