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Baby loss is a hugely sensitive topic and we count upon our other halves to be supportive and empathetic.
Our hearts go out to anyone who has struggled to start a family; be that through infertility, baby loss, or a combination of the two. Usually, in a healthy relationship, there is mutual warmth, love and support during this horrendous time of emotional and physical pain. Can you imagine your partner being cold and cruel after you've miscarried their baby?
Well, this poor woman has had to endure more than we can fathom; multiple miscarriages, and the behaviour of her husband has us screaming 'RED FLAGS' as we read her post on the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board.
Read the full post below...
"My husband and I have been trying to have kids for 3 years. I've had a series of MCs and not a single pregnancy was successful. Our recent MC was a month ago. And although my husband never said anything (up until now) These have such trying to times for me personally, the tension and emotions are very overwhelming and I've become too sensitive even at the mention of the topic.
He took me to his family's house for dinner last night and my MC was brought up by his mom. The look of disappointment on her face made me lose my appetite completely. She went on and on about what may have caused it then my husband chimed in and said that he's starting to come to a conclusion that "maybe I'm 'incapable' of being a mom" I was floored for two reasons. One is that he'd even say such thing. Two is that no doctor has told me that there was something wrong with me specifically so for him to declare I was "incapable" of bearing children and being a mom hurt like a sting. I looked at him and he was like "what???" Then told me to not get offended since he was just being honest. He said he loves me and thinks I'm perfect but still thinks that "I'm flawed in that area" referring to motherhood. I had it at that point, I just got up from my seat and took my stuff and headed to the door. I said nothing just made my way out. He shouted at me but I didn't stop.
I went home and he came and started unloading on me about how immature and too sensitive and ridiculous I was being. He said he was giving his honest opinion about the matter and I have no right to police the words that come out of his mouth whether I like what I'm hearing or not it's still the truth. We argued some then we stopped talking altogether. He keeps saying I exaggerated and walked during dinner and disrespected him and his family over literally nothing.
I'm unsure if I handled this the right way, or yet acted out of emotions."
Read the full thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
Unsurprisingly, the poster was voted NTA (Not The Asshole) by over 22,000 voters. The comments section was a storm of very sympathetic comments, mixed with some enraged readers who were incredibly vexed at the lack of empathy and sensitivity from the poster's husband. The top comment was upvoted by over 44,000 people and very simply read...
"NTA-gurl don't have kids with this man"
Our verdict...
We think that the top comment says it all - red flags, don't have children with his man. Is it possible that he's also hurting and emotionally broken by the continued miscarriages? Absolutely. The feelings of the father are very often diminished when it comes to baby loss, with the mum usually getting the lion's share of the sympathy, BUT in this case we absolutely cannot excuse what he said. It goes way beyond the often joked about 'male lack of tact', the very wording of what he said was deeply cruel and damaging. He didn't just refer to the loss of the babies, he referred to her actual capability of being a mother in general, conflating their continued miscarriages as some sort of 'sign' that she'd not be a good mother, reading between the lines.
Our response would be that it takes two to have a baby. In many cases, issues with the sperm can cause developmental abnormalities leading to a miscarriage, so whilst he's blaming her and lashing out cruelly, the irony could be that he himself could have a fertility issue that needs addressing, not his wife. Many comments on the original thread also pointed this out.
Finally... walking away from a bullying, harmful situation is never disrespectful. His behaviour, though? Beyond disrespectful!
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