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AITA: Asked Husband To Stay Up And Help

Recovery after a c-section can be so tough on new Mums, especially when you add in the sleepless nights.

One Mum has taken to Reddits AITA (Am I The Asshole) board, after her husband said he needed time to recover after a tooth extraction instead of helping with the night feeds that night.

Read the post below...

"A little background…. I am 7 weeks postpartum after an emergency c-section. There were some complications with both me and baby so we spent a week in the hospital after delivery making sure everyone was healthy enough to go home. My husband only had one week of paternity leave, almost all of which we spent in the hospital. So when we were discharged I was pretty much on my own in terms of caring for our little guy. ( Hubby works 4 12’s so he’s only home a few hours in the evening to help and he doesn’t help overnight since he operated heavy machinery) Let me also say that when he is home he’s super helpful and that is not taken for granted AT ALL.

Today he had a tooth extracted, it was something he pushed off over and over and so the extraction ended up being a little more work than they’d anticipated. When he comes home he tells me he thinks he’s gonna call it an early night and go to bed soon because his tooth hurt. The level of disbelief I felt can’t even be put into words. He had one tooth pulled and gets to throw in the towel on dad duties when I just had my whole abdomen sliced open and have been caring for a newborn 24 hours a day. I asked him to stay up and at least help get things together for the night (bottles washed and prepped, bath time, etc) and he said he doesn’t know if he can make it that long. Please also note I am very aware that his pain is valid and in a perfect world we’d all get a solid 8 hours but that’s not life with a newborn.

AITA for asking him to stay up and help?

edit: he was not put under any anesthesia nor was he given any heavy duty pain meds. Ibuprofen was all that was advised."

Read the full Reddit thread here


What was the general consensus?
Overall the new Mum was voted NTA (Not The Asshole). A lot of commenters pointed out that although he needs time to recover, that c-section recovery is a lot worse. One comment said:
"NTA. A cesarean is major surgery where you are normally told not to use your abdominal muscles for several your body is having hormonal changes, likely sore etc.

Must be nice to say "yeah, I'm too tired right now" without taking into consideration all that you went through.

You put your body through pregnancy and then labour and are now trying to recover. He can help make things easier for you.

I appreciate you ensuring he gets adequate sleep for his work. That is important as he operates heavy machinery. Burnout from having a baby is also a risk, so yeah, he can help in this instance."

While on the other hand someone else wrote:


You're tired. You're stressed. That's normal, but its also meaning you're trying to make it a competition when its just not.

He's had a medical procedure. You had one 7 weeks ago, which means you're 7 weeks into your recovery while he was maybe an hour into his recovery. That it has a shorter recovery period doesn't mean there isn't still a recovery period.
One night is reasonable: Just like you needed a week in hospital and that's fair, its fair that he needs to sleep after getting a tooth pulled."

Our Verdit...

While it's not a competition on whose recovery is worse, a c-section is major surgery which can take weeks/months to recover from. Most people after a tooth extraction manage to go straight back to work. We think the new Dad could have atleast helped with the smaller things before going to bed to recover. 

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