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When we give someone the responsibility of looking after our children, we are entrusting them with our most precious thing in the world!
It takes a huge amount of trust, we're sure you'll agree. Whether it's a school, nursery, child minder, relative or friend who is looking after your little one, knowing that they're sensible and responsible is vital for both the safety of our children and our own peace of mind!
One mum took to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask, is she in the wrong for calling her friend irresponsible for her actions during a babysitting session?
Read the full post below.
"I (F29) have a 'phobia' of horses. I put phobia in quotation marks because phobias are irrational fears, and I don't think my fear is irrational, but everyone else in my life keeps calling it a phobia.
I do like animals, but horses are just not it for me. I don't like being around them, and I have no interest in petting them or riding them.
When I was around 8 years old, a horse attacked me unprovoked and nearly killed me, and I was hospitalised.
My best friend Eliza (F29) is the opposite to me. When we were in high school, she was your stereotypical 'horse girl'. She owns some horses of her own now and is still obsessed with horses. I don't interact with Eliza's horses and never have. I respect that we can have our own interests, and Eliza and I have different things to talk about.
I have a daughter Tanya (F4), and Eliza occasionally kindly volunteers to babysit for me, Eliza has her own daughter of similar age and they play together nicely.
Last week, I asked Eliza to babysit for me so me and my partner could go to my cousin's child free wedding, and she agreed. I paid Eliza to babysit and gave her some extra money to get herself and the girls takeout.
Well, when after I picked Tanya up and was driving home, Tanya was telling me about how she "sat on a horsey". At first I thought Tanya was talking about a toy rocking horse, but then she told me about how she "fed the horsey some apples".
When I got home, I called Eliza and asked if she had my daughter interact with her horses.
At first Eliza denied everything and said she didn't know what I was talking about, but when I said Tanya told me about it, Eliza admitted she held Tanya whilst she was sat on one of her horses, and let Tanya help feed one of her horses.
Eliza went on and on about how safe it is, and that she was in complete control of the situation. That the horse was standing completely still when she held Tanya on the horse's back.
I told Eliza that what she did was irresponsible and that doing it behind my back was unacceptable. I was so angry and uncomfortable. She said that I'm overreacting because of my phobia and said that Tanya was completely safe, and went on about how well-trained her horses are and how she knows so much about horses.
I said I didn't care and that she should think about what she did.
My family thinks I overreacted and that I should apologise to Eliza. That I'm projecting my phobia onto my daughter.
AITA?
ETA: Eliza never wears a helmet when riding her horses so I highly doubt she put one on my daughter, I don't think she even owns any helmets. I would've been okay with Tanya feeding/petting the horses, but Eliza putting her on a horse's back made me very uncomfortable.
ETA: Eliza keeps her horses in a field that's around an hour drive from her actual home so I didn't think she'd take my daughter there."
Read the original thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
The poster was voted NTA (not the asshole) by 11,000 voters, many of whom jumped onto the comments section to express their sympathy for her, but also to point out that whilst she's not inherently wrong for being angry that her friend didn't ask if she could do this activity with her child first, it was also a 'missed opportunity' for her to ensure that her daughter didn't feel the impact of her own trauma. The top rated comment was...
"I really don’t want to give a judgment because what I actually see here is a missed opportunity. I absolutely understand why you are upset that she initially lied. She’s your best friend, and not a random person, so I’m assuming she panicked, because she thought she was doing a normal/helpful thing, and at some point realized she should have cleared it with you first.
On your end, though - this is your best friend. If you don’t want your daughter to go through life feeling the effects of your own trauma, isn’t she the perfect person to help? If you trust your best friend, could you see where it would be beneficial to your daughter to have exposure to horses? If you’re open to this, talk to your friend and see if you can come to an agreement (set boundaries/limits on what you are ok/not ok with, safety rules, etc). I think it would be much better if you weren’t there when it happened, because your anxiety would worry your daughter.
Try to think about what’s best for your daughter. Not that she has to love horses and be around them all the time. But that she’d be ok to be around a horse or take an occasional pony ride. I’m so sorry for what happened to you, but please don’t pass that fear on to your kiddo."
Our verdict...
We're on the fence with this one; we don't think that mum is an asshole for being upset and struggling to deal with her own trauma after nearly being killed by a horse - that must have been a harrowing experience. Being unhappy about being lied to is also a perfectly reasonable excuse to be angry, too!
However, we think that it's a tad irresponsible for an activity where there's more opportunities for an injury than, say, a soft play, to be undertaken without parental permission and especially considering mum's own traumatic experience! If it's true that her friend doesn't even own helmets, nor did she use one for the little girl in question, then we'd certainly agree that the poster's friend is very irresponsible. Horse riding is definitely something that could be approached in a positive way but it should always be done with the correct safety considerations.
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