AITA: Cancelled Holiday Due To Naughty Kids

Bad behaviour is always a worry for parents when it comes to going on a family holiday.

As parents, we have to set boundaries for our children in a way that we know they'll understand and learn from, and when their behaviour is extremely unruly, they need to learn from the consequences of their actions even if it means putting ourselves and others out. However, it can be seriously tricky to keep the balance between making a point, and being too harsh - we've all been there and questioned ourselves after the fact.

One mum has taken to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's in the wrong for cancelling a family holiday less than 24 hours in advance due to her children behaving terribly.

Read the main post below...

"My husband and I have 3 kids, 9M, 8M, and 3F. The boys have been driving us crazy. They fight like cats and dogs. We’ve had countless talks with them about respecting each other, to no avail. I understand sibling rivalry but it’s gotten to the point it’s disruptive to us all, every day.

I already told my husband last week I wasn’t sure if the vacation was a good idea. My husband shut me down pretty much immediately and things went ahead as planned.

First of all, the 3.5 hour car ride was (predictably) hell. Boys fighting and riling each other up the whole time. Husband and I kept trying to reassure each other that things would be better once we got there and they would be too excited to cause trouble.

We were wrong. They had so many reminders of what not to do once we got to the rental house…so they do everything wrong from the get go.

Shoes on the white furniture? Check. Running in the house? Check. I turned my back for 2 seconds and the 8 y/o threw a box of chalk in the pool to keep his brother from getting it. We went out to lunch and they were out of control in the restaurant. 9M ran away from us in a strange place because he didn’t get his way.

We finally go to the beach and they are frankly being brats. Refusing sunscreen. Fighting over toys. Pushing their luck repeatedly going farther and farther out in the water than we told them to. Cursing.

By the time we got back to the house, it was around dinner time and I was fed up. They were totally ruining it for everybody. Nothing had worked and I told my husband we needed to go home, for the reasons mentioned above, mainly that they needed to see a REAL consequence.

My husband still insisted it would get better. I put my foot down and told him that I didn’t even want to be there at that point so either I was leaving, or we all were. He got super pissed and told me it was ridiculous and unfair to our daughter. I actually agree with him but saw no other choice at this point. Of course when I tell the kids they immediately burst into tears and are begging to stay, promising they will behave.

My mother, who came with us, was also near tears. She thinks her precious grandbabies do no wrong. She argued with me too, begging me to “just let it go” but I refused to budge. So, we left, less than 24 hours into a 4 day vacation.

Half the ride home was spent with them sobbing and my husband pretty much gave me the silent treatment the whole way. My mother decided to stay behind a little longer but then started randomly texting me about 30 minutes in, asking if I was serious (she knew I was) and told me the whole reason she came was to spend time with the kids, so I had now “ruined it for everybody” and “they’re only little once”.

Here we are the following evening and pretty much no one likes me right now except my 3-year-old. Are they right? AITA?"

Find the main post here on Reddit.

What was the general consensus?

The general consensus of the readers of Reddit was that the poster was NTA (Not The Asshole), and in fact, doing the right thing by enforcing discipline. Many comments did point out that it's perhaps unfair on their youngest child (their daughter) who was not partaking in the unruly behaviour and suggested taking her on a 'girls only' treat to make up for the whole debacle, but on the whole, the Reddit community agreed with the mother. One of the top comments said;

"NTA. The AH is your husband, who is questioning your authority in front of the kids. The other AH is your mother, who wants you to raise future serial killers, apparently. No, you are enforcing discipline, as any good parent should."

However, some readers did feel that cancelling the entire holiday was a tad harsh, with it being suggested that a first consequence should have been missing out on a fun activity or meal rather than ending the holiday altogether;

"Yes YTA. There should have at least been one attempt at a punishment solely aimed at the boys, like missing a nice meal or activity, rather than immediately canning the vacation which punishes everyone. And/or seeing if they simmer down after the first day. I'm no expert but it sounds like counselling is also needed here to improve communication between you and your husband and also you both and your kids."

Our verdict...

We're definitely on the fence here - actions and consequences, firm boundaries, both are important when it comes to raising our children. This mother sounds like she was absolutely at the edge of her tether by the point that she cancelled their entire holiday and we get the feeling that she does the lion's share of the parenting with her husband only chiming in when it suits him - we have so much empathy for her.

However, we do agree that it was hasty to go home so quickly instead of phasing the consequences, we like the idea of cancelling a meal out or a fun activity as a first consequence. It's such a shame that the young daughter of the family missed out when her behaviour wasn't an issue. However, we were not in the shoes of this exhausted and stressed out mother, so we can't judge! Fundamentally she's not an asshole, she's trying her hardest in an extremely difficult situation.

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