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aita-grandmother
Parents

AITA: Told Gran Baby Isn't 'Her' Baby

Overbearing relatives are a massive bugbear in our parenting community.

It's lovely when our parents and other relations are active, involved and genuinely interested in the life of our babies, right? It can be so helpful, and adds credence to the saying 'it takes a village'. However, boundaries are important, perhaps even vital, in maintaining healthy family relationships.

One aunt took to Reddit to ask, is she the asshole for reminding her mum (baby's grandmother) that the baby boy is not 'her' baby boy, but her baby's baby? The reaction she got was pretty negative, so she asked the 'AITA' (am I the asshole) board for some feedback. Check out the post below...

aita-not-your-baby

Find the post here - credit to Reddit.

What was the general consensus?

The majority of readers voted the poster 'NTA' meaning, not the asshole.

Overall, the overwhelming feeling of the thousands of readers was that the aunt (who posted) wasn't in the wrong, especially as the baby's mum later thanked her for standing up for her so clearly there was some discomfort felt by the baby's parents, rather than the aunt overstepping by saying something. Some comments did concede that perhaps it's a case of a grandmother being so in love with her grandbaby that she's taking this affection too far, but that it isn't inherently wrong to remind her that she's overstepped the mark by insisting on calling the baby 'her baby'. The top comment said...

"NTA. This is your sister’s baby, not your mom’s. Besides, your sister was glad you stood up for her which means she wasn’t comfortable with that term being used by your mom in the first place."

Our verdict...

We're definitely team 'NTA' here. Boundaries are important, fundamentally, and this overbearing grandmother needed reminding. The fact that the baby's parents were thankful that the poster voiced her concerns shows that they were also feeling uncomfortable and 'pushed out' by the grandmother's behaviour. It's wonderful that she is clearly a devoted, loving grandmother, but... boundaries. We do feel that maybe it would have been nice to have worded it as a 'constructive sandwich' though; a positive comment, with the 'filler' being the feedback, and ending with another positive comment. For example...

"Mum, I know you absolutely adore the baby and you're a fabulous grandmother, but you shouldn't call the baby 'yours'. He's your baby's baby, it's making her feel pushed out at family gatherings and it's unfair. We know how devoted you are, and he loves his grandmother to the moon and back."

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