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Alcoholic beverages are a common highlight of birthday parties, but usually for those held for adults!
It's pretty safe to assume that, unless it's a party held at a public venue with a bar, there won't be alcohol served at a baby's 1st birthday party - although in some cultures and situations, a few bottles of beer around a BBQ with the kids running riot in the garden with a bouncy castle would be quite normal. However, ultimately it's the choice of the hosts, and it would also not be uncommon for there to be no booze at a baby's birthday bash!
One mum has taken to the Reddit AITA (Am I The Asshole) board to ask if she's in the wrong for not serving any alcohol to guests of her baby's 1st birthday party. This wasn't a conscious choice to deliberately limit drinking - she simply did not think it was the 'done thing' and inadvertently offended her in-laws!
Read the post below...
"The title sounds so ridiculous I cannot believe I'm writing this.
My baby turned one last week, so we planned a little party for him last weekend. We were supposed to have only one party with both sides of the family, but my sister-in-law and her husband live far away (they have not meet our baby yet, the last time we saw them was before the plague), and they postponed their visit for a week, so we had a party with my side of the family (my mom, my two siblings and their partners) last week, and another party yesterday, with my husband's side (his mom, my SiL and her husband).
As you can see, it was 2 very small gatherings. Basically, both times, we did the same thing : a meal, a cake, they gave gifts to the baby, fawned over him, took 1 billion pictures and videos, and we chatted while the baby napped for half of the party.
I'm breastfeeding so I don't drink any alcohol, and my husband doesn't like alcohol much, so he stopped along with me. We didn't even think about buying alcohol for the parties (because the last time we've bought alcohol was like... 2 years ago, lol)
I thought the party with my family-in-law went well and everyone was happy, until I received a text from my MiL this morning, asking me why I didn't serve alcohol, and that it was poor taste to neglect my guests. It seems my SiL is very upset because of me, because she thinks I was cheap when they came all the way to see us and bring gifts for our baby. To be clear, my husband was the one who planned the second party, and he bought sodas and juices because that's what he wanted to buy, I don't know why I'm being blamed.
The thing is, not serving alcohol for a party IS rare and kinda weird here, but my family didn't say anything about it, so we just went with the same plan for the second party..
And before anyone says anything about my husband, he called his mom and asked what the hell was going on, and said if they're not happy with our way of hosting, they don't have to come next time.
I guess I'm asking if we are the a**hole because it seems extreme to not have them over again for such a small issue, we can just buy alcohol next time.
EDIT : There are a lot more comments than what I thought, thank you all for your judgement for such a small issue.
To answer the most frequent questions : we're French, they were expecting wine with the meal and champagne with the cake, and it was lunch and the afternoon after that, they left around 6PM.
Husband is still super mad at them, but as far as I'm concerned, the issue is solved. Next time, we'll say in advance we don't have alcohol and if they want to drink, they can bring their own bottle(s). Thank you to all of you who suggested that."
Find the main thread here on Reddit.
What was the general consensus?
Well, it's pretty safe to say that not only was this poster voted NTA (Not The Asshole), but the in-laws were critiqued for their excessive reaction to the lack of alcohol at a baby's birthday party. The top comment said...
"You have a problem with alcohol if you are mad it wasn't served at a 1 year olds birthday party. NTA. If the guest of honor can't drink, then alcohol isn't appropriate."
When another Reddit reader responded mirroring the sentiment that it's very odd for adults to be so angry that they couldn't have an alcoholic drink at a baby's birthday party, the poster replied; "They wanted wines with the meal and champagne with the cake.. Which, I get it, it's the norm here, but like you say, it's a baby's party..."
Our verdict...
We would say that the poster is absolutely NTA, but we'd also perhaps reserve some forgiveness because, for many French people, there are customs and social etiquettes that may seem bizarre to those outside of their culture, the same for all cultures. However, it's odd that the father of the baby, a Frenchman who doesn't hold the same affinity for alcohol, didn't warn his wife. Perhaps he didn't think anything of it either, and is himself surprised by how much uproar there was amongst his family. The fact that he's extremely angry at his family says to us that this is perhaps going beyond French social etiquette, and is more a case of in-laws looking for a reason to argue with someone. We're glad that the poster and her husband are unified on this front!
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